28 November 2011

The Earth : Minus One

I'd learnt to envision. To paint my own dreams. To paint it vivid and clear. To include the details of my wants and more.

I'd been taught to treasure. To hold dear those little things in life.

I'd met new people. Amazing people. New friends to add to the ones I had had. But I had also lost one.

I believe she must have had a painting of her own. Just as happy. Just as clear. Just as vivid. Alas, it was not meant to be. And so we have today, the earth : minus one. One less smile, one less body, one less human, one less friend, one more tear. One too many tears.

Peace be upon you, friend.

16 October 2011

To Fill Time, Packets & Stomachs

Son, wake up..

Son. Wake up, son..

It's already nine o'clock, and you don't want to be late for today. Get up quick, take your shower and go down. There's nasi lemak downstairs.

Urgh, already? I'm not done lying in bed! But she was right - I don't want to be late for today. I mustn't be late. Kicking aside the comforter, I got up and dragged my legs to the door, pushing it outwards with my forehead and into my sister's room. Oh, still in dreamland? How lucky! Then I went into the showers, stripped off and stood there for one twentieth of an hour staring at the face mirror.

Done with the pointless action, I turned around and turned on the tap, getting the water running up and out of the hose and down and into my face.Ah... Pure bliss... that is, until a wince and an ouch.

Wince! Ouch!

When did I cut my left shoulder? The wound wasn't particularly deep but I hate it when I have a new scar to add to my trophy rack. "Whatever," I thought to myself. Heals wound. Wounds heal. Not worth my time worrying about it.

Then another thought struck me: I can't take my usual long, soothing, hot bath. Another regret to add to the list. Why did I sign up for today? A Sunday no less!! I could have risen at noon, stay home all day playing games or reading or anything for that matter! But I just had to sign up, didn't I? How much time has passed? 20 minutes? Half an hour? An hour? Or two? Reluctantly, I stepped out the shower and pat myself dry. Stepping out, I looked up at the circular wall clock. 9.30 it showed. I'm almost late. I almost smiled.

I then ran down after a quick make-up (it's not what you think) and had breakfast. I was super multitasking by this time - sending and replying to texts from both phones, rallying up my clothes, bag, medicine, keys, eating with one hand drinking with the other and talking at the same time. It was amazing I could all that at once. The human body: a miracle in itself. Next thing I knew I was out the house, in my car and driving on the parkway.

We're on campus now. A minute on time. Three of us, me having picked up the other two somewhere along the way. "Proceed to LT1, okay?" And that's where we went, having becoming instruction savvy and decent teens by now. "Why doesn't it feel as cool as it usually does?" I found myself wondering at the door to the hall. Then, remembering that I usually use the other hall, I shrugged off the question. Opened the door. Chattering of people coming to me now loud and clear. Up the short flight of stairs and I got the answer as to why is was not as cool: the theater was packed full of students and teachers. My, my, this many signed up? This many gave up their weekend? To say I was shocked was an understatement.

O-kay... That's a lot of volunteers...

I was still trying to get my head around the fact. It was too loud in here anyways, I couldn't hear myself talking. Maybe I should not be such a bummer. Just give it  a go. Maybe I'll even like it.

A few waves at friends, a briefing, two videos and a call later, we were standing at the packaging line. Vitamins, soy, vegies and rice. Vitamins! Soy! Vegies! Rice! And I got to thinking "This is quite fun actually"
The rest they say was ourstory.

"And.... That is it, people! We've reached our mark and since you guys are so efficient, we have half an hour to spare!! Give yourselves a pat on the back and get out of here!"

Aw, time already? I was having fun..

Smiling and feeling all bubbly inside, we left the campus grounds thinking of the one and a half hour we have spared to fill love into packets. I grabbed a few (nine to be exact) free cups of drinks, bought fries on the way to the car, and an ice cream to go with it.

Approaching the driver side door with a certificate of appreciation in hand, one thing kept playing in my mind: I don't want to be appreciated. I don't deserve it. I had fun, I was full, I had the means to buy food, I had a car, I had nice clothes...

The least I can do is fill time, packets and the stomach of others. I don't need a cert to do that, I'll do it for hours on end for free anytime because I now learnt how much a minute I spare means to the kids in waiting around the world :)

Happy World Food Day world~!

11 October 2011

To Cruise Along

It was all too dark but all too fun. Have you ever cruised along the highway late at night? I have, and I certainly loved it. It's just you and no one else. What I liked most was the lack of rush, pressure and tension all too common when driving under the sun.

Unlike those mornings, there was no traffic obstruction. Unlike those afternoons, there was no heat. Unlike those evenings, there was no dizziness. Pure driving pleasure I tell you!

So, here's a thought: who ever came up with the idea that what you drive matters? It's all about the when and have I ever mentioned how much I love the hour after midnight? :)

08 October 2011

To Win or to Lose

Winning doesn't always mean being first, winning means you're doing better than you've done before
-Bonnie Blair

 If winning were easy, everyone would do it. Winning is not everything but wanting to is. Till next time pals :)

07 October 2011

To Search for the Light

Step after step after step we took. I can't stop staring at my feet. Not that I could differentiate it from the feet next to mine nor from the other feet next to it. Feet, feet, feet everywhere. And step after step after step we took.

The procession was so quite - almost ghostlike. I was sure, though, that we were all human. For one, I could feel the brief encounter with the man next to me everytime his shoulder brushed mine. And I could also feel the occasional pressure of feet on my foot. Then, as soon as it came, it withdrew. And step after step after step we took.

I can see it. Heck, I've seen it for some time now, but the parade of people moves a little bit too slow. Eternity passed by and yet, the target didn't move that much closer. And step after step after step we took.

The sound. Monotonous. Flap flap, flap flap. What else is there to hear apart from feet on marble. And unless  I remember wrong, the cool marble floor was white. But now, it's neither white nor cool. Warm, in fact, from the transfer of heat from thousands of pairs of feet. Black, in fact, from the endless sea of feet. And step after step after step we took.

Yes. Closer. Yes, closer. Yes, closer!! Closer!!! Closer!!!!

And step after step after step we took. But, this time, the white starts popping up here and there. The discomfort from the lacking of personal space lifted. The ventilation got better.

Free at last! Still, step after step after step we took. Step after step after step towards the light. Step after step after step into the light. Step after step after step into whatever unknown world blinded by the light.

05 October 2011

To Let The Great World Spin

Catchy! That's the first thing that comes to mind. What exactly is this tingling sensation I keep feeling. And why is it so contagious? Too infectious in fact. Can something like this even exist? And the great thing is it's so natural and effortless. Why didn't you show up in my life earlier? Why...

I suddenly realized what a mess I've been the past 9 months. If only I could see the truth.. What stupid things I did with my life none of you need know. But do know this: I make mistakes, I'm proud of it and I don't learn that much from it, but I do improve over time.


Though it weird how sometimes  you don't need understanding to comprehend something. I know I've been touched more than once by the unseen and unknown. It's electric! 

Question the unquestionable they say. But what do you ask of one you know not of? What do you inquire from that which you do not see? Dumbstruck? You're not alone..

The magic of communicating in languages alien to oneself is somehow not so alien if and if only you look at it from this point of view: all language comes from a source: people; all human came from one lineage: Adam; therefore, it's somewhat safe to conclude all language was once one. Then it broke up into a multitude of pieces which broke into smaller fragments which divided into tongues so different which is shaped by hundreds if years of culture.

Just today, a tiny butterfly broke out of its invisible cage (and unless you haven't figured it out, these butterflies are my train of thoughts), and gently it swayed in the light breeze to land in front of me not unlike a thin book. Picking it up, I read across its wings traces of greatness. Greatness that made this great world spin.

Then it disintegrated into dust, joining the millions of other dusts of this huge world. And I was thinking silently but loudly, "What a waste of ideas... Wouldn't it be great if I could design a net capable of catching all these fragmented butterflies and resurrect it all anew?

...Who am I to cage a free being?

I can't see the sun anymore, maybe cause of the rain. It's somehow soothing though, the sight of water pouring from the plain sky on one spectrum and the shadow of an ominous cloud on the other. The best part is, I'm standing in the middle. How I found this thin line separating two distinct worlds? Don't ask. I just did. And it's quite the odd feeling to have one half your body being drenched while the other half still dry.

I guess this is what it feels for the earth to have half its face under the sun's gaze while the other half in its own shadows. I'm also guessing this is why the great world spins. Clever isn't it? Spinning to dry itself off..

Utter genius!!

04 October 2011

To Write A Long One

Taking music as my lead, I try, again, to write like I used to. What use is there lying to oneself albeit praises here and praises there. Thanks, but I know my standards have gone down. Way down.

So, people, here we are! A living, breathing specimen to remind you never ever to let yourself be caught up in the trap we so often tread into so purposefully. Don't let yourself fall into it. It's not worth it. Trust me. I've been in that spot a thousand times over and counting.

Now, back to here and now, I wish I could just go with the flow and sink myself into the tunes of Cromok. How I miss sleeping to the soothing sound of string on string, staring at the dark ceiling overhead somehow imagining stars glittered and splattered onto its otherwise dull surface.

You know, I've always dreamt of having a see-through glass ceiling for my home. Ah, what simple pleasure to bring into one's life, right? I know! I'll make that dream come true, insyaAllah.

I can just taste it: the soft bed beneath me, the thick comforter over and around me, the cool breeze of the night air swirling and twisting its way into my lungs. On top of it all, the sea of stars as my ceiling. Yup, I'd like that.

And it's funny how I'm living right now. I can feel it just as real: the hard single bed of mine, the thin blanket that couldn't keep the all-too-cold night air's bite, the not-so-soothing sound of two stand fans and the twist and turn of my body all through the night. What I'd give for a trade...

Then comes the morning sun bringing with it a jolt of surprise, rush, and havoc. Seeing it from a bird's eye perspective, it sure is hilarious as shit. But I can tell you, it's not funny at all when you go through it everyday just to get in the door on time. And when I finally take my seat, relief...

And still, all throughout, the same thousand or so songs on my list play on shuffle. Somehow, every tune relates to me and myself one way or another. Hey! What a discovery! Maybe that's why all these songs end up in my MP3 player. I guess after all that I've been through, one thing's right, and one thing I found to be proven wrong.

The right: Similars attract.
The wrong: Similars attract.

Let's leave it there shall we? I love it when people read and think "What is this guy trying to say?"

Well, shove this down your brain will you: "Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there. Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean it's untrue"

03 October 2011

To Find A Cure

I don't know how many times I've said this, but I'm on the road to recovery!! Things are finally looking up and yes, it's ecstatic!!

Having said that, plus the ever-present fact that men are greedy, and greed is never satisfied, I'm going en-route looking for another remedy. Hell yeah! I'm greedy! I'm man after all!!

But don't you dare judge me ever so quickly..

You did not feel it. You did not face it. So shut up! And let me have my say. Just this once. Just once...

02 October 2011

To Appreciate All Joints of Walk

I see it everyday and everywhere I go. A smile flashed across my face. Ouch! That hurt. And all these people don't even know what it means to move so fluidly. What a waste...

Thank God for this pain.

29 September 2011

Straight Sets

Watch out for a straight one next week! I'll try my best :)

05 September 2011


Hullo! It's been a long time since I last blogged! I was just too caught up in the moment with Taylor's, Ramadhan, the on-going (boring) Raya celebrations, and the loss of multiple friends, families and the likes plus the vacuum of ideas I still have in my noggin.

So, here's a recap of my life in the past month or so. (Not that any of you care about it, I just write it down for future references cause my holding memory ain't that big)

Ramadhan this year was not as satisfactory as previous years. First up, I didn't khatam!! What the **** man!!? -__- Then, there's the lack of hmmm... how to say it? ..feel of Ramadhan? Yeah! That's it! It was just like all other months except with the hunger and thirst. I really regret not preparing for the fasting month's arrival this year.. :(
On the plus side though, I woke up for sahur like 80% of the month. But after recalculating, all I came up with was a net negative figure. InsyaAllah, I'll do better next year, if I get a chance to see you Ramadhan.

Fast forward to just before Raya holidays! Well, here we were looking happy and feeling bloated up for the upcoming 2 weeks (YEAH!!! 2 WEEKS!!!! >.<) holiday. Then, came the H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K. and the smiles turned upside down :) ---> :/ ---> :(

Next came the Raya. We took pictures on that morning after prayers but without dad, it just wasn't the same,  so the mood changed from festive to boring in a snap. We ended up staying in our rooms the whole day. Later that evening we went to the airport where we had to wait for ages. Then.. then... I forgot :(

I think we stayed home, yeah, something like that. Oh, we packed our bags cause at first the plan was to drive up north that very evening but seeing as to how most of us was drained of energy, we didn't budge an inch. Lazy bums! The next day, we're off to kampung!

Kampung. The place with the best food, best people around and best time! Here, we had fun with ma lil' cuzs, meeting up with relatives, chatting, eating, joking, and eating some more. Sadly, it lasted for a meager day.

Then, it was back to Kajang. Back to boredom. Only thing was, there was something biting the back of my head. Yes, the dreaded homework. It was then that I decided (actually it was my sister's idea) to follow my dad to his office. Seeing as how the week was already boring me to death, I might as well die some more while doing my work.

Turns out, it was awesome that day! I didn't fast because I was still in munching mood, so I did my accounting work while chowing down a box of Dunkin' Donuts and two cans of Coke and Pepsi. The best thing was: I nearly finished the whole tutorial. Nearly. =.="

Being over-joyous for nearly completing my work, the whole weekend passed by without another look at my still-humongous pile of Maths, Socio, Maths, Econs work. Way to go, Afiz.. Way to go...

And then yesterday came with tidings of my good friend's departure. I can't help but think of the times we had together at school. I just wish I had another minute with him to say goodbye. What's worst was I haven't spoken to him in a while which reminded me not to take anything for granted because, time and again, it's proven that you can lose sight of something even if it's within your line of sight, even if it's within your grasp. And, we never learn, do we? You won't realize something precious until it's gone. And, I swear, this guy's a gem! I'll miss you and may God bless you and your brothers~

To reminisce, or to live in the present, or to plan for the future. I can't decide. So, I'll do it altogether. Thank you Lord, for reminding me to hold on to the memories, for telling me to accomplish things now, for making me appreciate what I have today, and for making me realize tomorrow's not set in stone.

I pray this lesson be bored into my being, that I never forget it ever again.

I pray for my grandparents, my great-grandfather, my two good friends, my friends' parents, my relatives that never made it into this world and all those who has gone before us.

I pray for the ones they left behind. May we be strong.

I pray for the chance to repent, to make myself better, and for another Ramadhan. A better Ramadhan. For me. For my family. And for all...

24 August 2011

Kings of Medicine

Don't leave me here, to cast through time
Without a map, or road sign
Don't leave me here, my guiding light
Cause I, I, wouldn't know where to begin
I asked the Kings of Medicine

They're picking up pieces of me,
While picking up pieces of you...

And on the tip of my tongue,
were, words that always come out wrong
Cause they were drowned in sudden comfort
Left to dry out in the sun,
The noon day sun.

Don't leave me here, to cast through time
Don't leave me here, my guiding light..


21 August 2011

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I miss those days...

Somehow, I'm gonna find a way to realize the memory again. As much as I hate it, I admit I cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking of the past. Some guy I am right?

So what? At least I can say it straight on to the world. And I think, it shows I do have emotions, not just an emo-less object. But tonight is going to be different. How is it different? Frankly, I do not have a clue.

I just have a hunch. Let's hope my hunch proves true. Smiles!

18 August 2011

Son of the Sky

Peace.  That was what I felt as I lay there on my bed night after night. Peace from watching the starless sky up ahead. Peace from surveying the moon as he watched over me as I slide into sleep.

It made realize just how small I am compared to the world. It was perfect. A reflection of a weak being just before death consumes him..

Soothing... Calming... Tranquil...

Then the blanket of sleep swept over my eyes. And one song kept playing in my head...

You can take everything I have,
You can break everything I have,
Like I'm made of glass,
Like I'm made of paper,
Go on and try tear me down,
I will be rising from the ground,
Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper...

15 August 2011

Point Blank!

Finally! A window into cyberspace! After a week of separation, we meet. And now, after a very long wait, I write.

I hear the footfalls of a man. I can tell he's close by but where exactly? Not a clue. The wind was snapping at what little area my face provided despite mine continuous efforts to pull the cloak tight. Under sub-zero conditions, who can stand it I ask you? Especially not with these thin layers of clothing. Serves me right for dressing lightly.


And a long, misty air of ghostly breath escaped my constricted lungs. Striking it was against the pure dark background of the night. Just as soon as it left my mouth, it left me altogether, joining the only source of light that evening - the half-moon - thus leaving me alone. Again.

Then, I heard it once more. The heavy steps of someone. A man by the sound of the shoe on wood. Slowly paced but constantly in rhythm almost as though he knew I was listening. Very vigilant too for as I stop, the sound was cut short.

Where? Where? Where could he be?

The world spun and turned and rolled and in that moment I caught the slightest of movement to my right. With a sharp jerk of hand and a finger trained to aim at first light, BANG! A wisp of white came forth. Not from my mouth but from the tip of a gun.

That's how you shoot. That, my friend, is point blank shot on the head. With a whip of cloak, I'm gone with the wind, gone into the darkness for another kill.

08 August 2011

When All Else Fails...

Sleep deprivation is the root of all evil. From this, gave rise to sleepiness and drowsiness which in turn lead to washing in- and out-of-focus which leads to lack of concentration. Then comes the boredom and finally sleep.

Wait. No. That's not right. Sleep leads to missing a few minutes of class. These few minutes translate into loss and waste. Loss and waste turn you into a slow worker, and when you're slow you try to catch up, the more you try, the more you lose your breath and the more out of breath you are, the farther you're left behind. When you're left behind you slow down, and when you slow down you don't have motivation. Without motivation, you don't do your work, no work = sleep deprivation.

So, now, how do you cut and slash and bash and wack and smack the problem into oblivion? I write. With writing, comes ideas (or is it the other way around?), with ideas you bloom, when you bloom, you go boom and with the boom, your work gets done with a bang, and with the bang comes a thought "Why haven't I thought of writing in the first place?'

And with that comes the close that ends with a big capital D for damn!

05 August 2011

Agenda: 5th Ramadan

6.30       : Bazar
7.30       : Buka
8-10.00  : Maghrib, Isyak, Tarawih
10- 3.00 : Futsel ^.^
3.00        : Sahur
6.00        : Subuh
6.10        : Sleep
8.00        : Sleep
10.00      : Sleep
12.00      : Sunrise. Hopefully :)

04 August 2011

Trigger My Trigo Please~

Jom amik test trigo! haish...Tapi tak study pun. hopefully pass :)

31 July 2011

Nature VS Nurture

           Human behaviour is an integral part of our daily life. Yet, most of us do not understand why people do what they do or how behaviour come into existence. In the view of social scientists, behaviour is a product of three major forces – biology, psychology and social stimulus. Now, we will look at just how deep these stimuli affect our behaviour.

            From a biologist’s perspective, everything we are and do are results of how we were programmed to act biologically. This pre-installed programme is what we refer to as the exact likeliness to the blueprints of a building except that it lays the foundation for human behaviour not a house. The blueprints embedded in our genetic make-up determine what we will become, how we would look, our pattern of growth as well as how we behave.

            Tiger and Fox claimed that biogrammar is the main reason man are ‘aggressive and masculine’ while women are ‘caring and feminine’. In 1971, Goy and Phoenix experimented with rhesus monkeys to prove their theory. They claim (in accordance to the results of their experiment) that female monkeys given extra androgens (hormones taken from male monkeys) display rougher attitude. The opposite observation was made when male monkeys were injected with progesterone and oestrogen. The males become more submissive and less aggressive.

            Logically, it is quite plausible to say that we were created prior to being born into this world. However, this argument has a downside to it. First of all, if genetic information is the key to our behaviour and if let’s say every individual with the same genetic contents will act in a similar pattern, how do you answer for identical twins that grow up so differently? What of individuals brought up in a criminal family (with the assumption he or she inherits criminal genes) that turn into decent, law-abiding citizens? These are just two of many questions that cannot be answered by biologists.

            Next, we take a look at the psychological argument of this debate. Psychologists have taken a somewhat safer side in their argument. They say that yes, biological identity do have a say in how we behave but it does not encompass the entire reality. They added that while biology lays the foundation, it is society that shapes the output of human behaviour.

            To prove their arguments, psychologists investigated the occurrence of crime in society. They came up with a very interesting find. Among these findings is the higher probability to perform criminal acts when individuals come from a criminally active family or lineage. They also gathered statistics of crime in relation to climate. Amazingly, warmer climates are accompanied with higher crime rates. On further investigation, they found out that warmer surroundings mean higher production of aggression related hormones such as epinephrine and testosterone.

            However, higher proneness to crime does not necessarily mean you have a guaranteed place in jails and lower probability also do not indicate that you will never turn over to the dark side. Other factors – economic stability, lack of faith, family support, peer groups, love, exposure to violence etc – also come into account. In fact, these social factors play a bigger part in determining the outcome.  In other words, psychologists tend to lean more into the third side of the debate, the sociologists’ perspective.

            To sociologists, human behaviour is shaped by social forces alone.  They do not neglect the fact that biological programming is important but they argued that its contribution in shaping behaviour is minute in comparison to social forces. One important observation was made by Albert Bandura. He experimented on children exposed to different situations. Both children were exposed to a model. The model (a woman) was to exhibit two different actions on the same doll in front of the two subjects separately. Both children were then let in the room with the doll while an observer looks on through a one-way looking glass panel. The results were immediate.

            The boy exposed to aggressive model tends to be more dangerous in his behaviour. He kicked, punched and did the doll with similar actions as shown by the model. Sometimes, he went overboard and did far worse than was initially illustrated by the model. He also started making use of aggressive words. On the contrary, the other child showed no such behaviour. This proves that the role learning theory applies to human beings especially children. Children see, children do.

            Sociologists also explain human behaviour by stressing the importance of socialisation. Socialisation is the life-long process of learning a society’s norms and values and adapting oneself into the particular society. Divided into two stages – primary and secondary – this process is what has shaped you and me into what we are today. Primary socialisation happens in childhood. Children emulate what they see, hear, and understand from their surroundings. This process is clearly shown in A. Bandura’s experiment aforementioned.

            Functionalists see individual behaviour as a product of society as a whole. In their eyes, society has a need to maintain social order. To attain this goal, society creates roles that are played by individuals in the society. This, in turn, establishes the norms of a society and the norms ensure individual behaviour is standardised and do not deviate from the general expectation of the public. In this view, they are saying that people behave because the society as a whole is governing each individual’s behaviour. When and if deviance occurs, society will correct itself and social order will then be restored.

            Differently, interactionists see human behaviour as a product of how the individuals understand the society. According to George Herbert Mead, people will tend to act in ways that are consistent with the expected behaviour in a particular role. Doctors understand that they should value life and therefore doctors try to heal, parents understand that they must keep food on the table and so they do not let their children starve, teachers understand their roles in society and they teach.

            When humans do not understand or understand the society differently is when they would act differently. Children deprived of social interaction with human beings become less human or show no human emotion at all. This is particularly true for feral children. Oxana Malaya, an 8-year-old child was cared by stray dogs. This was reflected clearly in her dog-like behaviour. She could not speak and relate to human emotions, walked on all-fours, sniffed at her food and developed acute senses just like that of a dog. This shows that without socialisation, we would not be human in behaviour.

            Another strong point of argument came from Ann Oakley. She puts an emphasis on proving that gender roles were manmade and not subject to our biological sex. A prove of this came from an observation made by Margaret Mead. In her book Sex and Temperament in Three Primitive Societies, Mead said, “Among the Arapesh, both men and women were peaceful in temperament and neither men nor women made war. Among the Mundugumor, the opposite was true: both men and women were warlike in temperament. And the Tchambuli were different from both. The men spent time decorating themselves while the women worked and were the practical ones – the opposite of how it seemed in early 2oth century America.” Again, this showed that behaviour is not biologically programmed.

            Further merit on the sociologists’ view came from Ann Oakley’s criticism on Goy and Phoenix’s studies on rhesus monkeys. She pointed out that hormone levels did cause a shift in behaviour but the first piece of the puzzle was missing. What caused the hormone levels to change if the monkeys were not under human surveillance? The answer was simply social context. Ruth Bleier objects the use of monkeys altogether quoting it as dangerous to presume that the same conclusion can be applied to humans.

            All in all, humans have not come close to weeding out the one major cause for human behavioural patterns. However, it is safe to assume that all three factors play a role in shaping our behaviour albeit to what extent still lies in shadows. Personally, and based on scientific evidence, biology may have laid the basis of our actions, but it is the process of socialisation or rather the social forces that ultimately shape what we do.

28 July 2011

Second Try

Sorry for not being able to write as much or as often. I'll try once more & hopefully this time I'll nail the note on the line! :)

22 July 2011

Stupid Temptation. Stupid Crash

Chill laa, it's only 2 pages of writing right? It's only a few hours of your night's sleep gone down the drain right? It's not like you can't re-do right?


Next time I'm writing my essays on Blogger, at least they save your work every few key strokes...

20 July 2011

One Footed Man

The land spread open beneath him. It was the aftermath on a seemingly endless fight. At the end of the massacre lay a sea of bodies - troops divided just a second ago, now hugging each other close for what warmth still remain in the lifeless bodies of friends and foes - with eyes that show no sign of life.

And in the midst of it all, stood one man. The tallest monument that can be seen for miles and miles. He was crippled. And he is the one footed man. He, who walked nevertheless. One step at a time. Pushing. Shoving. Driving. What a scene to behold!

Look at me. Able-bodied and strong, but lack the drive nor do I possess the strength to push an inch forwards in paper. May we swap roles, oh one footed man?

...What good will it do? Nothing I say..

17 July 2011

Battle Lost

Not in the mood to write. The title says all.

16 July 2011

Twist, Turn, Stay Up All Night

A switch is in place. Tonight, to turn oneself into the opposite. It's been some time now since I've done this. I don't know if I can do it anymore.

Remembering the first struggle half a decade ago on the first night. Difficult doesn't even come close to describing the experience. But since then, I've done it dozens of times. There was even a time when it was so natural it took no effort at all.

But that time has long gone...

Months of over-comfort and staying on the low has reaped my ability to do what I can in the past. Now, I must start from square one. Just like that night 5 years ago. Tonight, I'll go to war. Tomorrow, one of us will emerge victorious, the other - a fallen entity - broken.

Let the switching begin! Let's see who breaks and who stands!

15 July 2011

To Live Life Live

You live today to see tomorrow,
You live yesterday to taste today,
You live tomorrow to remember today,
You live life to feel alive,
You live a dead man's life,
The moment you see yesterday today.
And the moment you see tomorrow no day.

14 July 2011

Cleanse And Fall

This post is none other than a response to the pleas of someone dear to me. Know that you're not alone. Never alone :)


Where am I? Oh, just another dream. But it was too vivid. And I'm still sweating from the rush of it all. Shrugging of the sleepiness, I pulled my heavy frame from the bean bag. I really need to stop watching all those crap on TV. They're trash. They get into your mind and dig into your brain. Urggh! 

Making my way to the washroom with nothing to guide me but the familiarity of experience and countless of years living in this room. Effortlessly I waived my way through the mess that was my own doing - clothes strewn all across the wooden board (man, do they need a wash or what...), books turned brown not from reading but plain old lack of human touch, crumpled papers from the previous night overflowing the rubbish bin and the mountain of plugs, wires, chargers and other knacks criss-crossing the floor like a thousand boas lying silently in wait for its next victim.Me.

Thump! Ouch!

You didn't see that did you? No, you couldn't have. How could you in this dark room? Freaking things! Why can't you arrange yourselves neatly?

Luckily, I'm so close to the door that the sliver of white light coming through the gap was enough to tell me quite accurately where I should be heading. Great, the tap. Dripping. Again. I'm broke, and yet I didn't even bother to stop what little money I have from dripping out of my tap. Drip. Drip. Drip. And with each drop, the hole in my pocket is enlarged. 

With a quick wash of my face, the details came, driving out all the sleep out of me and a splash of colour was painted unto my world. Looking up, a man with long, messy, slightly coloured hair stared at me. His eyes were dark brown, beautiful and fierce to look at but at the moment, he wore an expression of pure weariness that took out all grandeur from his handsome face. Heck, he looked pathetic even. And the long dark line underneath his eyes didn't help make him look any better.

I'm sick of looking at this man. Turning away from the reflection, turning away from the truth, I lead myself into the dark confines of my room. But the other man did not turn his back. Instead, he stayed his spot, seeing the door close shut, a thin wooden door resembling all that was and is - a separation of two.

Little did I know, the door I so often keep shut will soon open. And far from realizing did I that this time, I won't be able to close it. Just then, with a loud BANG the door behind me flew outwards! Light flooded the compound and at the base of my feet stood two shadows - one pinned to my legs, the other unusually long and tall, slightly to my right. 

"Hey, bub. Long time no see," and immediately I know the owner of that hoarse voice. It's my voice...

10 July 2011

Long Time No Hair

Hahaha, I know the title sounds funny but hey, what can I do? :)

A long line of regrets go to those of you not here to see me in the flesh. I hope we'll see one another soon enough.

Truth be told, I miss you guys like hell. Gone were the times we would play futsal while cramping the tiny space we had with God-knows-how-many people played each evening. Gone were the days we would run through the desert others call field laughing ourselves shitless while chasing ball. Gone were the days when the whole world went off after the Friday prayers - where the compound seemed ghostly and no sound permeates the halls of knowledge.

I miss those days...

What I would give to experience it just once more. To feel the sleepiness creeping up on my body. To sing and shout at the top of our lungs in the dead of night. To live with vampires and werewolves and ghouls of the night. To be in the company of friends all through till morning. And then to look at others' faces - tired and worn, barely able to muster the slightest of focus, and then to blur out of focus. All the while nodding in unison. There but absent.

What I would give to walk those corridors I grew up to love. Where we ran and played at night. Where we learned and mingled in the day. Where memories - sweet, sour, salty and bitter - were made and buried. How I long for the day we would all stand together as one. Day, come fast. Let me smile again. Put that hair back where it came from. And then split us as you will, only for the cycle to begin anew. Until one day. The day we follow in the footsteps of our one friend who has gone with the wind.

Footsteps dug into the sands. They disappear just as fast as they appear. An ever-present subject, always behind us. Imitating our every moment, each step of the way. Morning. Noon. Then evening comes bringing with it the orange tinge of sunset. There he is! Our friend! Leading us into the sunset. Shifting from the solid person he is into a silhouette of black into a tiny speck of dot. At last, night.


09 July 2011

Back to Basics!

Yup! You heard me! Sorry, got to go. Lots to do, limited time. Chowza!

05 July 2011

Perlu ke?

Okay, tak banyak benda aku nak perkatakan. Just that, perlu ke semua nak touching pasal hal-hal kecik?

Socialization at childhood stage: FAIL! Siapa yang hendak dipersalahkan? Sejujurnya, aku pun tak tahu. Lantak lah, aku pun ada hidup sendiri. Banyak lagi hal aku nak kena fikirkan. Kalau umur pun sudah macam tu, rasanya tak perlu lah nak diajar lagi membanding beza baik buruk patut tak patut. Otak ada, pandai-pandai guna ya!

Maaflah kalau aku tersilap kata, terkasar bahasa. Tapi macam mana kalau aku senyap je pun kau nak simpan perasaan marah? Tak puas hati, cakap je. Aku boleh terima. Ini tidak. Senyap bagai tunggul, muka nak ketat. Koyak kulit baru tau...

02 July 2011

Stretch & Burn

Party all night, sleep all day! That's what I call my weekend. Only it's not such a hot party mainly because I'm home alone. Sad ain't it?

Anyhow, this is just an intro. The real post starts below:

Surely, I don't know how long this hurdle is going to stay here. It's been turning on and off for some time now. And just when I thought it was over, a tiny spark is seen, ending up with a flare and a boom and a pop and a bang!

And with that, comes the painfully familiar relief of water, accompanied by the guilt and misery of knowing that it was I who destroyed my own creation. What a pain..

It is one thing to see your hardwork and efforts go down the drain at the hands of an enemy. It is another thing to watch on the sidelines as your life's work go poof, and waking up looking into your face - the destroyer - and with blood on your own two hands.

Wash it as you may, the continuous red flow might go away but the guilt and scars remain. The cycle then continues. Again. And again. And again. And again.

Not anymore! I've suffered the burn for the last time. This battle has just gone up a notch, and I am not going to be on the losing end!

I'm all fired up and ready. This means war!!

30 June 2011

Bed of Dust

Where's my Malay posts? I guess this baby here's turning into full English without me realizing. Whatever.

Hmm... I've been waking up to a bed of dust which frustrates the hell out of me. I wish this torment would just end, but I know better than that. It's going to take a while before this heals and I am determined to see this through to the end.

One day, I'm going to sleep like a baby, undisturbed by continuous distractions all night long, wake up to a clean day, feeling refreshed and well in my body. One day...

For now, I have to say that life is treating me rather fairly despite the bumps and holes. And, oh, I've gotten my first taste of CAL. So far so awesome! The intros that is. I hope the excitement stays until I nail the exams later. Much, much later...

I have also received my first homework from Miss Tee, my maths lecturer and class teacher (or was it something else they called her... I can't remember). So, people, as much as I'd love to stay and write long-winded posts, I have to excuse myself. My books are calling!

I need to get my old pace back if I were to ace Maths, Accounting (without the 's' please), Econs, Thinking (S)kills & Sociology. Yup! These are my companions for the next two years! Say hi, people!

p/s: My handwriting is damn ugly now. How am I going to write? 

28 June 2011

Songs to be Sung

It was all still too early to tell. However, judging by the light of the morning sun and the smell of the wind, I can tell, this is gonna be a good day.

Hopefully, God will have the same plans. Hopefully, the light stays the same. I  couldn't bear another change in weather. Not so much because of the change but more so the need to adapt.

Life has been awfully sweet thus far, let's pray it stays this way, or better yet, be made even sweeter. Anyhow, let's not get our hopes up. I wouldn't want anyone's dream fall into my lap and shatter. No sir I wouldn't like that one bit!

So, here we are! Another fork in the road, another crossroad. I wonder... which way should I go?

26 June 2011

Mind of A Writer, Words of A Wanderer

Another dawn. It was a cool day, the winds light and soft bringing with it good tidings and a promise of rain. Good. It's been moons since the last downpour. One more week and the earth will die, along with it my livestock.


It was a splendid day to be out. And yet here I am, locked up within the confines of these walls. I should've been out in the open. For the umpteenth time my little voice spoke up. Hush!

Sitting down at the edge of my bed, I heard the snores from my family. Sound asleep, in the lands of dreams they were leaving me behind. Just like last night. Just like every night.

The normal sounds accompany me: the speakers, the fan, the air-conditioning as well as the steady rumble of my laptop. Tonight the mood is adventure and for that occasion, Sanctuary has been set on replay for the past hour or so. I don't mind, I love the mood and atmosphere. It fits the situation.

You know, I can't help but think of two things tonight. Actually three now that I've really started to get my brain running.

One, how I wish I could've saved one of my grandest writing of all time. A piece I wrote in the exams. It was at that precise moment my body, brain and imagination became one and the same. It was that moment went I literally stepped into the papers.

Of course, I vividly remembered the story line yet what I longed for was to see the sequence of words, the way they lined up to one another, the former a perfect match for the latter, the slant of my handwriting, the bright blue ink with the occasional smudge and the paragraphs of emotion they contained.

Second, a word from the lips of friends 'Don't you want to write a book?'. Now that they've mentioned it, I daresay, that is a mighty good idea chum! And again, why have not I started on it?

Frankly, I don't know. I don't have a clue as to what I have done the past half a year. I don't seem to have grown at all - mentally I mean. I don't know why I've slowly reduced the frequency of my reading and stop altogether. I don't have a reason. I don't have a clue. I don't have nothing to say.

Third, could I have wasted all this time listening instead of recording? It pretty much seems that way to me now as I sit blanketed in the dead of night. Well then, if so, what good has come from it?

Even as I type this, the answer comes clear & crystal to me : I failed to get a copy of the essay because deep in me lies another story worth telling and writing, something bigger, better, badder and to unlock that door, I am in a transition to open my eyes to new ways of expressing my thoughts and ideals. The first step it seems is to listen & learn because there is no destination in language, just an endless journey.

This is the mind of a writer... This is the words of a wanderer..

25 June 2011

Painstakingly Euphoric

From bruises to cuts to scars. I LOVE it!!
Keep em' comin'!!

23 June 2011

Deserted City

Unlike most people, I don't live on Facebook. I live in a real world, with real people and real dilemmas. For those of you out there still trapped in a web of untruths and fantasies, it's time to come to my deserted city.

Wipe the dust off, let's start afresh & anew. The end.

20 June 2011

Boredom Kills. I'm Dead

The weekends was A-W-E-SOME! And now that all the commotion has ended, so has the vibe and energy that went with it. Hello boredom!

How I wish I could post my mp3 to this blog. Then I wouldn't need to change the tunes every once in a while. If only I had a magic lamp.. but alas, reality is not so.

How I wish I had my books. They've never left me behind whenever they went to places far and away. They've never failed in delivering me to a place so wonderful. They've never let me die in boredom even for a second, but alas, I have left them.

So dear world, sorry for being the selfish fool I am, but I have to go away. The music beckons, and now I must go before I die a second death. Goodnight moon.

17 June 2011


There was once a child of the universe. Far did she travel to a place of gathering. And there did she observe the world, trying to fathom the mechanics of it all from the lenses of a person unknown.

Never had she seen herself in the mirror of alchemist. Nor had she dreamed of it, and yet, there she was.

Desperate to grasp the ideas and overwhelming information thrust into her frail frame, she grew and sowed the seeds of skepticism. Skepticism in herself and her abilities and her strength.

However, being the type of fighter she was, she held herself with the help of a circle of companions true to the end. Dead in the night she traveled through the pages of knowledge, sailing the seas of information, navigating the maze of numbers, braving the depths of the unknown.

With each day, she grew stronger. Of body and mind. With each word, she grew sharper. Of mind and body. With each second, she grew older. Of body. Yet younger of mind.

And in all that paradox of time, she burst out of her cocoon, stretching and flexing, wings spread far apart. A beautiful butterfly with wings painted from the hues of memories.

High and higher she flapped. Until finally, she grasp the stars and the moon. There she remained, a silhouette of symmetrical proportion, majestic and amazing. An image of black on shining white moon stretched upon a never-ending canvas of night sky with stars.

13 June 2011

Believe In Wonderland ^.^

Stand up, comrade! Stand up straight!

Remember why you were brought here. Remember why you stand here. Remember who you're fighting for.

Let the rhythm fuel your every step, listen to the beat and dance. Smile like a fool. Laugh like an old fart. Fart and let the winds bring the smell of victory to the four corners of the world! Let there be fart!

Let there be sunshine, water and wind. Let yourself bloom free and wild. Grow, grow, grow and grow~

Life is not but a wonderland you can believe in. Believe in it! Design your life, mold it, shape it, be the architect & engineer of life. Your life.

Tag along with others in the roller-coaster. Tumble, stumble and bend double all you like but don't fall too deep. Breathe in. Breathe out. Do you feel the air? Can you taste it?

As the underclass hero, you deserve the best. But the best may be hiding...

I don't want this moment to ever end,
Where everything's nothing without you,
I'd wait here forever just to see you smile,
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.

Through it all, I've made my mistakes.
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words.

I want you to know,
With everything I won't let this go.
These words are my heart and soul.
I'll hold on to this moment, you know,
As I bleed my heart out to show,
And I won't let go.


Smiles, cheers, flowers, rain & sunshine~

25 May 2011

Come Tumbling Down

A new page has been opened. Ah, my long wait...ended. The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step is what they say. My first step. One down. Nine thousand nine hundred ninety nine to go.

Gotta be ready for anything and everything. Mind all set! Body all set! Hey-ho let's go!!

A new start is always hard but mark me, I'll get through. No turning back, no running away. Come, come tumbling down. I'll be there, I'll get there. You just watch.

No time to lose. No time to waste. Time well wasted is time well spent. So waste away I'd say. Random, so damn random. I hate this. Need to get my thoughts straight, set my aim, eyes on the prize.

Well, it's time like this you turn to me, myself and I. Afterall, who else has got your back?

15 May 2011

Do you know me at all?

Who says I can't get stoned?
Turn off the lights and the telephone
Me in my house, alone
Who says I can't get stoned?

Who says I can't be free
From all of the things that I used to be?
Rewrite my history
Who says I can't be free?

It's been a long night in New York City
It's been a long night in Baton Rouge
I don't remember you looking any better
But then again, I don't remember you

Who says I can't get stoned?
Call up a girl that I used to know
Fake love for an hour or so
Who says I can't get stoned?

Who says I can't take time?
Meet all the girls in the county line
Wait on fate to send a sign
Who says I can't take time?

It's been a long night in New York City
It's been a long night in Austin too
I don't remember you looking any better
But then again, I don't remember you

Who says I can't get stoned?
Plan a trip to Japan alone
Doesn't matter if I even go
Who says I can't get stoned?

It's been a long night in New York City
It's been a long time since 22
I don't remember you looking any better
But then again, I don't remember, don't remember you

It's just the strangest thing
I've seen your face somewhere
An early evening dream
A past night's love affair
Do you know me? At all
Do you know me? At all

In all my reverie
I thought I felt us there
A feather in my hand
A flower in your hair
Do you know me? At all
Do you know me? At all

Do you know me? At all
Do you know me? At all
Do you know me? At all
Do you know me? At all

John Mayer - Battle Studies

14 May 2011

Fresh is the new lame!

When I say your name, I find peace.
When I touch you, I feel electric.
When you lay naked, I see nothing but you.
When I held you, nothing else matters.
When I try to know you, you disappear.
When I am lost, you never fail to find me.
When I am sound, I never fail to lose you.
Wherever I go, I have you.

I have chosen to be with you.
Your words are truth.
Your face is beautiful in every cover.
Your body is beautiful in every size.
You go great in all colours.
Everyone wants you, and everyone can have you.
Everyone can have you, yet no one can hold you.

When I say your name, you came.
Whatever I do, you stay the same.
Wherever I go, you tamed.
Coz I know fresh is the new lame.

12 May 2011

Roast duck

Had you ever felt how it's like to be burned alive? Here's a little taste of what it's like.

You'll feel as if you are being skinned alive, countless blade cutting you open flesh by flesh, layer by layer.
You'll then feel as if hot, boiling water is running all over your body, opening up the freshly scarred body of yours
Then, top it up with being thrown into an inferno that could give you third degree burns just by standing close to it, that could make your eyeballs as dry as prunes just by looking at it.
Mix it all together and there you have it! Make a roast duck out of yourself.

Try it out for an excruciatingly intense and out-of-this-world pain! You'll never look at food the same way, because your body is food!

10 May 2011

Sleeping giants

It was dawn. A dawn for a new sun & a dawn for a new beginning.

A single stone stood precariously on its tip. A soft gust of wind smooth as a baby's touch kissed it, slowly it tilted to one side bowing to the wind, and then it fell.

A far far far way it fell, only to be stopped by a jagged rock that cut through the earth as if it was an old and broken dagger left to rust by its owner but instead of rust, algae covered its blade.

Bounce. Bounce. Echo all across. Silence.

Then, a ripple of movement like steel on rock. A screeching sound so horrible it sent shivers down the spine of trees. Something was moving in the earth. No! It was the earth. The Earth was moving after countless of millenia stuck under, inanimate, unmoving.

Imagine the strain on a human body after a long deep nights' slumber and multiply it by infinity. That was exactly how hard it was for the earth to break the stiffness in whatever joints it is they possess.

The blade of jagged formation now seemed like a toy. The full size - unexplainable. The sound - unheard of. The sight - amazing. And yet it is still growing...

Finally, it stood on it's two legs! A being so colossal it blocked the sun out of daylight. Day turned to night.

One mighty bellow came out! Be it satisfaction or a yawn or a stream of anger, I know not. What I do know is this: the giants have awakened!

09 May 2011

Time stand still

It was a second. A mere second. A fraction of time where it all stood still. Motionless, no wind nor breeze. The very air was stuck in place. Breathing stopped. Life began.

A slice of space. Small in volume, large in quantity. It grew, expanded from one point of a needle to something as large as the world. A room. A room to grow.

One shadow. Long, twisted it was. It morphed and transformed, never a certain shape, ever-changing, ever-existing. It threatens to bite. But how can a shadow bite its master.

Time. Space. Shadow. It is I..

06 May 2011

Written in the Stars


Okay, so it's a clear enough fact that the script of your whole life has been written in the skies.

Question : What are we supposed to do as the actors? We do not know the script, we've never even read it before. How do we know we're doing it right?

Answer: You don't. Just live in the moment, plan for the best, and leave the rest to the Almighty~

Now, how is it that we are supposed to act without first knowing our part? Frankly, I do not know. However, I think I've done pretty damn good for someone in the not-knowing group for the past seventeen, eighteen years. Smiles for myself =D

Hmmmm.... But then, what to do?? Now, that is the BIG question ain't it. A question with no answer. Yet.
I'll sort this out. Soon. I hope. I reeeally hope so.

For now, let's chill! You only live once, why waste it right?

04 May 2011

Stolen Goods Bahan Cilok!

Just going through fb when I stumbled into a friend's blog and found this post. Surprisingly accurate unlike all those other stuff I found on the web. So I figured I'll 'cilok' it. HAHAHA, but credits goes to Leman. At the same time I need to do justice to the victim of my theft, so READ HIS BLOG! ^.^

1. Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat and presentable girls.
6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
7. When a guy really likes you, he’ll disregard all your bad characteristics.
8. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.
9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl’s attention.
10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.
11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.
12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can’t. And they have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking! but do not generalise
13. Guys cry!!!
14. Don’t provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.
17. When you touch a guy’s heart, there’s no turning back.
18. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…never mind!” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.
19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands…
20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
22. When a girl says “no”, a guy hears it as “try again tomorrow”.
23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.
24. Guys hate gays!
25. Guys love their moms.
26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.
27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn’t mean that the guy likes her.
28. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can. * HEHE..
31. Like Eve, girls are guys’ weaknesses.
32. Guys are very open about themselves.
34. No guy is bad when he is courting,
35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they’re not that much pretty.
38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.
39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.
41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

46. Guys’ fantasies are unlimited.
47. Girls’ height doesn’t really matter to a guy but her weight does!
48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!
49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.
50. It’s not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they’ve been together for 3 years or more.
51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.
52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be matured and grow up.
53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.
55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed with their girlfriends…
57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.
58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me”.
59. Guys don’t really have final decisions.
60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.
61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.
62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.
63. Guys believe that there’s no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.
64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.
65. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.
66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.
67. A guy would waste his time over video games and football, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.
68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.
69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!
A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
71. A guy’s friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.
73. Don’t be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you’ll be surprised.
74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.
75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.
76. Guys don’t comprehend the statement “Get lost” too well.
77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.
78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.
79. Guys don’t care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.
80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they’ll realize they’re wrong.
81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He’s just too stubborn to deal with it.
83. Guys’ weakest point is at the knee.
84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.
85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.
86. When a guy looks at you, either he’s amazed by you or he’s criticizing you.
87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.
88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you. * nie kalau berlaku la..
90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!
94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.
95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.
96. Girls are allowed to touch boys’ things. Not their hair! *pantang gwa!!!
97. If a guy says you’re beautiful, that guy likes you.
98. Guys hate girls who overreact.
99. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationships.

03 May 2011

When Life Gives You Lemons, You Make 3 Posts A Day

Nothing to say.

                        I'm a follower.

            Of my blog.

                                              Nothing to do.

                                                           Reading old posts.

                                                                         Getting a feel.

                               Of an outsider.
                                                                                                             Visiting my blog. 

                                                 Give me please.

                                                                                 Need an idea.




(= First Bundle Coming =)

Holla!! >.<

This just in people! Wishlist #1 is coming my way!! All thanks, loves, flowers, smiles and hugs go to my uncle!
Love youu~ (And it's not cause he gave me something neat, you know. I really do love him)

Anyhow, when will all this waiting end!? Soon, soon my precious...

Meanwhile, I'll be surfing (the web) for something (anything) to get my mind of things, because :

1. My stream of ideas is still bone-dry
2. I'm bored, seriously need excitement to break the monotony
3. Did you know the web has LOTS of interesting stuff!?? I just found out.. LOL

Nytes, gotta surf =)

Osama Obama

Why do we have to celebrate one's death?

I for one think that it is a very stupid act. No matter how bad a person is, he or she is still human, he or she still deserve the right to respect - in life and in death.

He's allegedly done a few bad things, but others have done worse. He's allegedly killed, others have too. So what is it that differentiates you, me and him?

I know it all comes down to perspective and all but have I got something to say to the world's perspective : IT SUCKS!

It's inhumane, stupid, and totally disagreeable. Let's see how you like it when people celebrate your death~

26 April 2011

Of nots and nothings

Idea. It has completely and undoubtedly left me. Sad to say but my cerebral activity is on an all time low, probably need to enter a bookstore and sit there for a whole day to get it a-kicking and a-starting again. However, time is of the essence, I'm tired and I'm bored as heaven.

More nots and nothings coming my way i guess. Hmmm, what to do? Not and nothing is what to do. Not and nothing is what I'll do.

Peace out! Knock-out! =D

22 April 2011

delete. not

I'm sure most of you guys have gone through this scenario at least once in your life:

You opened the page to your email/facebook/skype/whatever. You typed your username or email address. You started typing in your password. Halfway through it, you realized you may just have typed wrongly. You press backspace and delete the whole line. Then you typed in your password again. 

Hahahaha, this is just a random post I thought of when I retyped my facebook password just now. =)
It sort of made me wonder "If only you could do the same with life"

It would make everything so much more simpler. Ooops!! I did a mistake, let's delete that and go back a few steps. Then I'll do it again and yes! I got through!! Man, that would've made life a whole lot easier..

Mistake. Delete! Wrong turn. Go back! Oooops, sorry. Retrace my steps! I forgot. No problem!

I wish.... 

Iron (III) oxide my brain

Man, another long week. I'm tired and squeezed shitless. Never mind, point is who the heaven cares if I'm all pooped out, right? Because right now, I'm at yet another point in time when you have to make a choice. I hate it.

God-willing I'll make the correct turn and I won't regret the choice I will make. =)

Moving on to more pressing matters (as if making the choice this big isn't pressing enough..), my brain has obviously gone bad. Dude, I knew i shouldn't have left my books God-knows-where and wasted my time doing God-knows-what. Trouble is, it took me this looong to realize.

Well, I'm sure most of you don't have a clue to what I'm saying. To make it simple, I had an interview the other day and I quickly realized 2 things.

1. I was having difficulty speaking with people of all ages.
2. My brain is in lockdown-mode

Well, what do you expect Afiz? You have been stuck in a hole for 5 months -___-

Most that know me personally would think I'm down in the dumps this very moment. If you thought so, then you don't know me enough. Lucky for me, I have myself and a few close individuals for support. My past blog posts were helpful too, so thaaaank you Blogger!!

I think I'll end it here cause seriously, I'm at a loss of words -.-
SEE!!?? Told ya I was in lockdown-mode. I can't even write a post properly :(

*I would probably LMFAO reading this post in the near future, so excuse my lame style of writing for now, please and thank you ;)

16 April 2011

Of Young and Old

Hmmm...who's fault is it? When the young turn against their old? Been there, done that. Looking at it from my eyes, I see myself on the right side. But then again, I am a teen. Teens think they're right, they think they're right, we think we're right.

The old ones think they're right, they think they're right, we think we're right.

But then again, looking at it through brand new lenses, I saw no right nor wrong. Just is. The problem with us lies in ourselves. We were born human, we are human, and we will be human for the rest of our short lives. Egos aside, I trust we'll make progress. To respect the old has always been a teaching but respect must be earned, it can't ever be forced. To love the young has always been a teaching but love must be earned, it can't ever be forced.

Too late it is too change, but a little bit too early it is. Time will reveal all, for now I lay in the dark - an egg of a predator lying in wait, growing, waiting for the day I grow to eat the world and consume it. Whole.

11 April 2011

World, Here I Come!!

Sorry to say this but I won't be posting for quite sometime after this due to the demands of pursuing a better future (actually, I'm just going for interviews and all for scholarships and unis =P ).

Well, that's all there is to say. Plus a special apology is at hand for a certain someone for not being there yesterday. I guess life caught up to me and I found myself in the land of dreams at 8 p.m. Woke up at 4 a.m. with a grin of satisfaction but a tint of guilt and pain (due to the fact that I slept on my living room couch the whole night).

Sorry, and I promise I'll make it up to you after all this is done =D

I have another busy week ahead. I hope I live through it, pray hard. And I really really rreeeeaaaallllyyyy hope I pass the interviews. I want to do medicine sooooo bbaaadddlyyyy. Don't believe me? Look up my wishlist down there. If any of you are kind enough, and charitable enough, please do not hesitate to send me those items and I promise to be your best friend. Please and thank you. =D

Well, gotta go. World, HERE I COME!! 

p/s: In case you haven't noticed, this is my first post that tells of my life in a non-confusing kind of way. Don't get your hopes up though, I'll be back in confusion-mode pretty soon. It's just that I have no time to confuse you all today. So, consider yourselves lucky =)

09 April 2011

Free As Birds, Sharp As Eagles

Sunlight. It's morning. Looks like I've overslept. Again...The world was a blur of colours and images that make no sense. I reach for my glasses. Putting it on, only then the world came into focus. Ten to ten. Still early but quite late. Lifting my giant of a body up from bed, a sharp pain cut across my back just above my left kidney. The searing pain pushed me back. After minutes of wincing, I finally got over the pain.

It's still quiet. A little bit too quiet for me. Turning on my music, the voice of the Goo Goo Dolls hit me. Iris. One of my favourite songs ever. Immediately my lips formed the words of the song, and singing together with John, I became truly awaken.

Hmmm...the lyrics made me remember last night and the events that came with it. I opened a new window to someone special. That made me happy and excited beyond imagination but the final moments were tarnished with a minor setback that could snowball into something huge. I do not want the friendship to end. Least of all because of me...

It made me play Iris once more. This time turning to the lyrics for answers instead of joy. And lucky me, I found it. More than that, it opened my eyes. Listen to it and you'll know what I mean.

Please realize that you're not being caged in. You are free to do as you please. But look at freedom like that possessed by birds. The flying creatures are free to roam anywhere their hearts desire. They have the means to do it - their wings. However, the dare not fly too high for fear of falling. The higher you are, the harder you'll fall is what they say.

Look at it this way. Before this, you and I, we were birds in a cage. Right now the cage is opened and it is up to us to decide whether or not to fly out or stay in. If you've chosen to free yourself then you may. Fly, fly and fly you will but no matter how hard you try, there's a border - an imaginary one - that you'll not pass. The sky. You can take to the sky, but trust me you can't ever take the sky.

So please people, choose your steeds carefully. Whatever bird you choose to be, you're still a little bit too human to fly. But you can adept yourselves to the birds of your choice.

For me, I've chosen the eagle. The eagle is as free as can be. It is beautiful, powerful. Most importantly, no matter how high this bird of prey flies, it's eyesight remain sharp as ever on the ground from where it came from and to where it will one day fall and rot.

Fly. But fly sharp!

08 April 2011

Sounds they help you

Way Back Into Love Truly Madly Deeply If I Let You Go Sweet Child O' Mine I Live My Life For You Come On Get Higher Your Song No One Accidentally In Love To The Sky Lucky Terbang Must Have Done Something Right Higher Baby It's You Hanya Tuhan Yang Tahu Live Like We're Dying Everything I Do I Run To You Rainbow Veins Fearless Us Against The World Dare You To Move If I Die Young Heaven Sent That Thing You Do Awake Blackbird You Make It Real Falling For You Today Was A Fairytale A Place In This World I'm Only Me When I'm With You Ruang Rindu Home For The Rest Of My Life Sebelum Cahaya Beautiful World Everything My Hands Whatever Who I Am Always Be My Baby You And I Both The Saltwater Room Please Don't Go Kasih Kekasih 1973 I Can Show You The World That's The Way It Is If That's Okay With You Say The Call I'm Yours She Is The Sunlight All In What Dreams Are Made Of Thunder Cinta Be With You Gotta Be Somebody Vanilla Twilight  When You Look Me In The Eyes Need You Now Never Alone Follow Me Wherever You Will Go