Reminisce

Hullo! It's been a long time since I last blogged! I was just too caught up in the moment with Taylor's, Ramadhan, the on-going (boring) Raya celebrations, and the loss of multiple friends, families and the likes plus the vacuum of ideas I still have in my noggin.

So, here's a recap of my life in the past month or so. (Not that any of you care about it, I just write it down for future references cause my holding memory ain't that big)

Ramadhan this year was not as satisfactory as previous years. First up, I didn't khatam!! What the **** man!!? -__- Then, there's the lack of hmmm... how to say it? ..feel of Ramadhan? Yeah! That's it! It was just like all other months except with the hunger and thirst. I really regret not preparing for the fasting month's arrival this year.. :(

On the plus side though, I woke up for sahur like 80% of the month. But after recalculating, all I came up with was a net negative figure. InsyaAllah, I'll do better next year, if I get a chance to see you Ramadhan.

Fast forward to just before Raya holidays! Well, here we were looking happy and feeling bloated up for the upcoming 2 weeks (YEAH!!! 2 WEEKS!!!! >.<) holiday. Then, came the H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K. and the smiles turned upside down :) ---> :/ ---> :(

Next came the Raya. We took pictures on that morning after prayers but without dad, it just wasn't the same,  so the mood changed from festive to boring in a snap. We ended up staying in our rooms the whole day. Later that evening we went to the airport where we had to wait for ages. Then.. then... I forgot :(

I think we stayed home, yeah, something like that. Oh, we packed our bags cause at first the plan was to drive up north that very evening but seeing as to how most of us was drained of energy, we didn't budge an inch. Lazy bums! The next day, we're off to kampung!

Kampung. The place with the best food, best people around and best time! Here, we had fun with ma lil' cuzs, meeting up with relatives, chatting, eating, joking, and eating some more. Sadly, it lasted for a meager day.

Then, it was back to Kajang. Back to boredom. Only thing was, there was something biting the back of my head. Yes, the dreaded homework. It was then that I decided (actually it was my sister's idea) to follow my dad to his office. Seeing as how the week was already boring me to death, I might as well die some more while doing my work.

Turns out, it was awesome that day! I didn't fast because I was still in munching mood, so I did my accounting work while chowing down a box of Dunkin' Donuts and two cans of Coke and Pepsi. The best thing was: I nearly finished the whole tutorial. Nearly. =.="

Being over-joyous for nearly completing my work, the whole weekend passed by without another look at my still-humongous pile of Maths, Socio, Maths, Econs work. Way to go, Afiz.. Way to go...

And then yesterday came with tidings of my good friend's departure. I can't help but think of the times we had together at school. I just wish I had another minute with him to say goodbye. What's worst was I haven't spoken to him in a while which reminded me not to take anything for granted because, time and again, it's proven that you can lose sight of something even if it's within your line of sight, even if it's within your grasp. And, we never learn, do we? You won't realize something precious until it's gone. And, I swear, this guy's a gem! I'll miss you and may God bless you and your brothers~

To reminisce, or to live in the present, or to plan for the future. I can't decide. So, I'll do it altogether. Thank you Lord, for reminding me to hold on to the memories, for telling me to accomplish things now, for making me appreciate what I have today, and for making me realize tomorrow's not set in stone.

I pray this lesson be bored into my being, that I never forget it ever again.

I pray for my grandparents, my great-grandfather, my two good friends, my friends' parents, my relatives that never made it into this world and all those who has gone before us.

I pray for the ones they left behind. May we be strong.

I pray for the chance to repent, to make myself better, and for another Ramadhan. A better Ramadhan. For me. For my family. And for all...

Twist, Turn, Stay Up All Night

A switch is in place. Tonight, to turn oneself into the opposite. It's been some time now since I've done this. I don't know if I can do it anymore.

Remembering the first struggle half a decade ago on the first night. Difficult doesn't even come close to describing the experience. But since then, I've done it dozens of times. There was even a time when it was so natural it took no effort at all.

But that time has long gone...

Months of over-comfort and staying on the low has reaped my ability to do what I can in the past. Now, I must start from square one. Just like that night 5 years ago. Tonight, I'll go to war. Tomorrow, one of us will emerge victorious, the other - a fallen entity - broken.

Let the switching begin! Let's see who breaks and who stands!

Bed of Dust

Where's my Malay posts? I guess this baby here's turning into full English without me realizing. Whatever.

Hmm... I've been waking up to a bed of dust which frustrates the hell out of me. I wish this torment would just end, but I know better than that. It's going to take a while before this heals and I am determined to see this through to the end.

One day, I'm going to sleep like a baby, undisturbed by continuous distractions all night long, wake up to a clean day, feeling refreshed and well in my body. One day...

For now, I have to say that life is treating me rather fairly despite the bumps and holes. And, oh, I've gotten my first taste of CAL. So far so awesome! The intros that is. I hope the excitement stays until I nail the exams later. Much, much later...

I have also received my first homework from Miss Tee, my maths lecturer and class teacher (or was it something else they called her... I can't remember). So, people, as much as I'd love to stay and write long-winded posts, I have to excuse myself. My books are calling!

I need to get my old pace back if I were to ace Maths, Accounting (without the 's' please), Econs, Thinking (S)kills & Sociology. Yup! These are my companions for the next two years! Say hi, people!

p/s: My handwriting is damn ugly now. How am I going to write? 

Mind of A Writer, Words of A Wanderer

Another dawn. It was a cool day, the winds light and soft bringing with it good tidings and a promise of rain. Good. It's been moons since the last downpour. One more week and the earth will die, along with it my livestock.

***

It was a splendid day to be out. And yet here I am, locked up within the confines of these walls. I should've been out in the open. For the umpteenth time my little voice spoke up. Hush!

Sitting down at the edge of my bed, I heard the snores from my family. Sound asleep, in the lands of dreams they were leaving me behind. Just like last night. Just like every night.

The normal sounds accompany me: the speakers, the fan, the air-conditioning as well as the steady rumble of my laptop. Tonight the mood is adventure and for that occasion, Sanctuary has been set on replay for the past hour or so. I don't mind, I love the mood and atmosphere. It fits the situation.

You know, I can't help but think of two things tonight. Actually three now that I've really started to get my brain running.

One, how I wish I could've saved one of my grandest writing of all time. A piece I wrote in the exams. It was at that precise moment my body, brain and imagination became one and the same. It was that moment went I literally stepped into the papers.

Of course, I vividly remembered the story line yet what I longed for was to see the sequence of words, the way they lined up to one another, the former a perfect match for the latter, the slant of my handwriting, the bright blue ink with the occasional smudge and the paragraphs of emotion they contained.

Second, a word from the lips of friends 'Don't you want to write a book?'. Now that they've mentioned it, I daresay, that is a mighty good idea chum! And again, why have not I started on it?

Frankly, I don't know. I don't have a clue as to what I have done the past half a year. I don't seem to have grown at all - mentally I mean. I don't know why I've slowly reduced the frequency of my reading and stop altogether. I don't have a reason. I don't have a clue. I don't have nothing to say.

Third, could I have wasted all this time listening instead of recording? It pretty much seems that way to me now as I sit blanketed in the dead of night. Well then, if so, what good has come from it?

Even as I type this, the answer comes clear & crystal to me : I failed to get a copy of the essay because deep in me lies another story worth telling and writing, something bigger, better, badder and to unlock that door, I am in a transition to open my eyes to new ways of expressing my thoughts and ideals. The first step it seems is to listen & learn because there is no destination in language, just an endless journey.

This is the mind of a writer... This is the words of a wanderer..

Memories

There was once a child of the universe. Far did she travel to a place of gathering. And there did she observe the world, trying to fathom the mechanics of it all from the lenses of a person unknown.

Never had she seen herself in the mirror of alchemist. Nor had she dreamed of it, and yet, there she was.

Desperate to grasp the ideas and overwhelming information thrust into her frail frame, she grew and sowed the seeds of skepticism. Skepticism in herself and her abilities and her strength.

However, being the type of fighter she was, she held herself with the help of a circle of companions true to the end. Dead in the night she traveled through the pages of knowledge, sailing the seas of information, navigating the maze of numbers, braving the depths of the unknown.

With each day, she grew stronger. Of body and mind. With each word, she grew sharper. Of mind and body. With each second, she grew older. Of body. Yet younger of mind.

And in all that paradox of time, she burst out of her cocoon, stretching and flexing, wings spread far apart. A beautiful butterfly with wings painted from the hues of memories.

High and higher she flapped. Until finally, she grasp the stars and the moon. There she remained, a silhouette of symmetrical proportion, majestic and amazing. An image of black on shining white moon stretched upon a never-ending canvas of night sky with stars.

Sleeping giants

It was dawn. A dawn for a new sun & a dawn for a new beginning.

A single stone stood precariously on its tip. A soft gust of wind smooth as a baby's touch kissed it, slowly it tilted to one side bowing to the wind, and then it fell.

A far far far way it fell, only to be stopped by a jagged rock that cut through the earth as if it was an old and broken dagger left to rust by its owner but instead of rust, algae covered its blade.

Bounce. Bounce. Echo all across. Silence.

Then, a ripple of movement like steel on rock. A screeching sound so horrible it sent shivers down the spine of trees. Something was moving in the earth. No! It was the earth. The Earth was moving after countless of millenia stuck under, inanimate, unmoving.

Imagine the strain on a human body after a long deep nights' slumber and multiply it by infinity. That was exactly how hard it was for the earth to break the stiffness in whatever joints it is they possess.

The blade of jagged formation now seemed like a toy. The full size - unexplainable. The sound - unheard of. The sight - amazing. And yet it is still growing...

Finally, it stood on it's two legs! A being so colossal it blocked the sun out of daylight. Day turned to night.

One mighty bellow came out! Be it satisfaction or a yawn or a stream of anger, I know not. What I do know is this: the giants have awakened!

Written in the Stars

Assalamualaikum!

Okay, so it's a clear enough fact that the script of your whole life has been written in the skies.

Question : What are we supposed to do as the actors? We do not know the script, we've never even read it before. How do we know we're doing it right?

Answer: You don't. Just live in the moment, plan for the best, and leave the rest to the Almighty~

Now, how is it that we are supposed to act without first knowing our part? Frankly, I do not know. However, I think I've done pretty damn good for someone in the not-knowing group for the past seventeen, eighteen years. Smiles for myself =D

Hmmmm.... But then, what to do?? Now, that is the BIG question ain't it. A question with no answer. Yet.
I'll sort this out. Soon. I hope. I reeeally hope so.

For now, let's chill! You only live once, why waste it right?

Stolen Goods Bahan Cilok!

Just going through fb when I stumbled into a friend's blog and found this post. Surprisingly accurate unlike all those other stuff I found on the web. So I figured I'll 'cilok' it. HAHAHA, but credits goes to Leman. At the same time I need to do justice to the victim of my theft, so READ HIS BLOG! ^.^

1. Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat and presentable girls.
6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
7. When a guy really likes you, he’ll disregard all your bad characteristics.
8. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.
9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl’s attention.
10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.
11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.
12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can’t. And they have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking! but do not generalise
13. Guys cry!!!
14. Don’t provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.
17. When you touch a guy’s heart, there’s no turning back.
18. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…never mind!” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.
19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands…
20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
22. When a girl says “no”, a guy hears it as “try again tomorrow”.
23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.
24. Guys hate gays!
25. Guys love their moms.
26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.
27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn’t mean that the guy likes her.
28. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can. * HEHE..
31. Like Eve, girls are guys’ weaknesses.
32. Guys are very open about themselves.
34. No guy is bad when he is courting,
35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they’re not that much pretty.
38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.
39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.
41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.
46. Guys’ fantasies are unlimited.
47. Girls’ height doesn’t really matter to a guy but her weight does!
48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!
49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.
50. It’s not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they’ve been together for 3 years or more.
51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.
52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be matured and grow up.
53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.
55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed with their girlfriends…
57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.
58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me”.
59. Guys don’t really have final decisions.
60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.
61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.
62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.
63. Guys believe that there’s no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.
64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.
65. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.
66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.
67. A guy would waste his time over video games and football, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.
68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.
69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!
70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
71. A guy’s friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.
73. Don’t be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you’ll be surprised.
74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.
75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.
76. Guys don’t comprehend the statement “Get lost” too well.
77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.
78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.
79. Guys don’t care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.
80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they’ll realize they’re wrong.
81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He’s just too stubborn to deal with it.
83. Guys’ weakest point is at the knee.
84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.
85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.
86. When a guy looks at you, either he’s amazed by you or he’s criticizing you.
87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.
88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you. * nie kalau berlaku la..
90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!
94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.
95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.
96. Girls are allowed to touch boys’ things. Not their hair! *pantang gwa!!!
97. If a guy says you’re beautiful, that guy likes you.
98. Guys hate girls who overreact.
99. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationships.

Of Young and Old

Hmmm...who's fault is it? When the young turn against their old? Been there, done that. Looking at it from my eyes, I see myself on the right side. But then again, I am a teen. Teens think they're right, they think they're right, we think we're right.

The old ones think they're right, they think they're right, we think we're right.

But then again, looking at it through brand new lenses, I saw no right nor wrong. Just is. The problem with us lies in ourselves. We were born human, we are human, and we will be human for the rest of our short lives. Egos aside, I trust we'll make progress. To respect the old has always been a teaching but respect must be earned, it can't ever be forced. To love the young has always been a teaching but love must be earned, it can't ever be forced.

Too late it is too change, but a little bit too early it is. Time will reveal all, for now I lay in the dark - an egg of a predator lying in wait, growing, waiting for the day I grow to eat the world and consume it. Whole.

Free As Birds, Sharp As Eagles

Sunlight. It's morning. Looks like I've overslept. Again...The world was a blur of colours and images that make no sense. I reach for my glasses. Putting it on, only then the world came into focus. Ten to ten. Still early but quite late. Lifting my giant of a body up from bed, a sharp pain cut across my back just above my left kidney. The searing pain pushed me back. After minutes of wincing, I finally got over the pain.

It's still quiet. A little bit too quiet for me. Turning on my music, the voice of the Goo Goo Dolls hit me. Iris. One of my favourite songs ever. Immediately my lips formed the words of the song, and singing together with John, I became truly awaken.

Hmmm...the lyrics made me remember last night and the events that came with it. I opened a new window to someone special. That made me happy and excited beyond imagination but the final moments were tarnished with a minor setback that could snowball into something huge. I do not want the friendship to end. Least of all because of me...

It made me play Iris once more. This time turning to the lyrics for answers instead of joy. And lucky me, I found it. More than that, it opened my eyes. Listen to it and you'll know what I mean.

Please realize that you're not being caged in. You are free to do as you please. But look at freedom like that possessed by birds. The flying creatures are free to roam anywhere their hearts desire. They have the means to do it - their wings. However, the dare not fly too high for fear of falling. The higher you are, the harder you'll fall is what they say.

Look at it this way. Before this, you and I, we were birds in a cage. Right now the cage is opened and it is up to us to decide whether or not to fly out or stay in. If you've chosen to free yourself then you may. Fly, fly and fly you will but no matter how hard you try, there's a border - an imaginary one - that you'll not pass. The sky. You can take to the sky, but trust me you can't ever take the sky.

So please people, choose your steeds carefully. Whatever bird you choose to be, you're still a little bit too human to fly. But you can adept yourselves to the birds of your choice.

For me, I've chosen the eagle. The eagle is as free as can be. It is beautiful, powerful. Most importantly, no matter how high this bird of prey flies, it's eyesight remain sharp as ever on the ground from where it came from and to where it will one day fall and rot.

Fly. But fly sharp!

A little bit more than Half My Heart

U

I love the way you start things. A simple yet meaningful letter.

Now, I'm all alone in my sanctum, the waves of music passing over and above me. For the first time in my young life, the waves sped past me and left me hanging. I was a literal stone with the weight of a mountain - no song able to lift me, grab me and save me like all those other times.

The TV watches me, the laptop types me. I'm numb, struck and stuck somewhere between grief and longing, sorrow and happiness. Unable to move, my hands fly across the keyboard - it being the only part left of me that is fortunate enough to not be affected by the silence of loneliness. And in this wee hours of freedom I have left, I pour unto these virtual pages a little bit more than the Half of My Heart that You opened.

The story begins and ends here. A single point in time and space where two souls met. One of apparent happiness, the other an image of a loner. Different as they may sound, look at them with your eyes, you'll see they are indeed different - of height, of complexion, of everything but look at them with your inner eye and a mirror of two images you shall feast on.

Quiet though the two were, fate spoke for them and intertwined their lives like a pair of pendulums swinging in the same direction at different levels, the strings twisted and turned, twisting and turning ever faster till impossibly the were the closest souls in the shortest period of time.

Then time slowed. The walls from both grew fainter, the shields came down and the two were inseparable friends. Only space divided them.

Even then, nothing seemed to be able to hold back the two. For all the distances between them, it did nothing to stop the one from seeing the other for the second time. However to them, it was almost as if they have known each other for life, even lives - old acquaintances who simply forgot minor details regarding the other, who have finally met after years of separation.

But that day, fate was being a naughty player, giving chances and taking chances. The day - though both considered the best in years - focused in & out like static on TV. Like static on radio. Like static, it shocked the one & most probably the other into sparking a new feeling.

Due to many little details, both kept quiet till one night that brought one to shivers that lasted through to daybreak while the other torn between a heavy option of two choices. After more time has passed, the truth is finally poking into the story, a truth played as a puppet by the puppetmaster. But whatever, I'll do this once more. Not anymore.

So listen to me, and listen to me good. 

For I think You should, for it is food.

Provisions I've given, provisions You've taken.

Use it sparingly, but don't be greedy.

Keys too I've given, what's left for You is to find.

Find that shining light, with your own might.

Might that You've taken for granted, that which You thought is not wanted.

Listen and do please listen.

Sing to me You will, sing to me You won't

You think I'm not the one, You think I'll find someone.

I fear it is not so, I think You're not that low.

But do, oh do know, that if You must go

I won't leave You, I'm only hiding a mo' or two

But fear not my mate, for You know where to meet.

If time cuts me by, then all I'll say is bye

Unlock the truth, unlock my booth,

Then You'll know what's been coming from between my tooth~

Fear not will you, because I'll hold onto my words, I'll never leave You. I'll hold onto Your hands if I can but You know what I'll want. Thank You for the friendship, thanks my Soulmate. If I ever come past by Your mind, regard me as nothing but the winds, quietly passing you by. Afterall, I am still a child =)

New Born

Sadness. It consumes all. It engulfs us all like a black and dark blanket that captures and traps us all in a never-ending web of pure void. There was once happiness in the world but it exists as light. Sadly, it too was lost in the blackhole. Lost for years and years, the light could not escape. It fought and squirmed its way to freedom, it fought its way through darkness. Strong and brave as it was, it grew tired of the continuous wars and battles and let darkness consume it. Made to bow to the student the teacher was a captive with no chance of escape - a pure being flanked from all sides by impurities.

Dark. Black. Silence. Cold. Hard. Left. Right. Behind. Everywhere. Everytime. Every second.
Then out of pure luck, half a circle of glowing hand pulled it out. Free at last. Free at first.

To be continued-

Cerita dah masuk angin tapi belum basi

Assalamualaikum semua! Tahniah kepada sesiapa yg berjaya for SPM tempoh hari. Yang dapat straight A pulus, A lurus, A rojak, A bengkang bengkok, straight plus, straight minus, xde A ke ape ke, yang penting let bygones be bygones. Kita dah usaha, itu semua rezeki masing-masing. Move on la beb, the world won't wait on you. Sebab ape? Sebab skrg ni dh hari selasa & bnyk scholarship2 yg dh nak tutup permohonan.

Which explains kenapa post ini diwujudkan. Ramai orang yang tengah berpeluh ketiak memikirkan ape nak belajar, camne nak secure scholar, bila nak kawin, berapa anak mau buat (ini sudah keluar topik o.O) dan sebagainya...

Ape yang penting kawan-kawan, nasihatku cuma satu : chillax~

Aku bukannya suruh korang buat macam tu sebab aku nak korang rileks hingga tarikh tutup application supaya aku  sorang je dapat belaja overseas. I'm not like that okay? (Aku tak laa sejahat tu..) -.-

Nasihatku ini atas dasar choices yang korang akan buat dalam tempoh terdekat ini boleh kira level hidup mati. Takut tak? Masa ini lah yang tentukan future korang & di mana korang akan pijak lagi 10, 20, 30 tahun dari sekarang. 

Malangnya, masa ini jugaklah yang ramai rakan kita salah guna. Lulus SPM punya pasal, enjoy tak tentu hala. (tau laa takyah amik paper Julai..). Tahu tahu, masa dah takde. Padan muka.

So, guna time ni elok-elok ya! Aku tau ramai yang tengah blank ape nak belajar and all that. Sebab itu aku pesan tadi suruh chillax. Tarik nafas dua tiga kali. Hembus. Tarik, hembus.

Okay? Sudah lega sikit? Kalau yes, bagus! Kalau belum, pegi buat lagi! Anyways, korang rajin-rajinlah Google career-career yang wujud di dunia ni. Survey dulu ape yang menarik minat dan taste korang then go for it~!! :D

p/s: eating chocolate helps too so jangan cakap nak jaga badan. aku tibai gak kang...  xD

Lowest I've Felt =(

Result, oh Result~

Result oh Result~

I know I've done You a lot of wrongs, 

but please forgive me, oh Result~

I know You've given me everything I've ever asked for and more,

but please grant me my wish, oh Result~

I know I have not done all in my power to repay You,

but please do pay me for my efforts, oh Result~

I know I've failed to remember You sometimes,

but please continue to remember me, oh Result~

I know I'll probably forget You like I've always done before,

but please don't You forget me, oh Result~

I know You know better of my future,

So I put my future in Your hands, oh Result~

REPLACE RESULT WITH ALLAH,

THAT IS MY DOA~

AMIN YA RABBAL A'LAMIIN

SAC Terbaik!

Assalamualaikum semua!

-baru habis satu program @Behrang.

-mood :D :D :D :D

-eventho awal-awal cam biasalah semua muka innocent

+

mcm tak tau nak bukak mulut...

-tapi after hari 1st, bilik aku telah jadi pelabuhan entreport (aku pun tak sure kenapa...)

-ternyata you guys memang awesome!!!

-hampir setiap masa dgn you all diisi dgn gelak, gelak & more gelak!

-mmg time mlm bilik kitorang paling havoc & bising

-tapi all good things must end....

-so good luck to all yang dtg program ni

-harapan aku kita semua straight A+

-and thanks guys! had a wonderful time

-khawa, azzam, azam, farid, zul, paan

capab dulu! <=== xpaham xyah ngomen~

To turn a new leaf...

Writing something on the web & knowing that people other than those you know of personally can access these written thoughts is not an easy thing to do after all...

Put it this way: I have indeed done a grave mistake by opening myself to the world beyond that of my own mind - where once it was the safest place in all of space, now it is becoming my own brand of poison.

To save the remnants of what little dose sanity I still possess, I have to come to terms with reality. And though this may seem like the words of a dying man, I assure you (to anyone whom this may concern) that I am well & alive. Time will heal all.

In the meantime, I have made a decision to severe ties with those who live in a world of deceit and lies. I vow to never write of untruths and to never hide myself behind a mask painted by stained hands like so many others that breath in the same air that I did.

While naming the culprits will not help with the problem at hand, and I too was at fault for letting my guard down & letting myself drop too far down, it will only make matters worse, if not, doom us all to a point of no return. Thus, the decision I have made to save myself and live on only to save others when I have bloomed big and strong, sharpen my tongue and mind as well as my wits is rightfully accurate.

As for my mistakes : I'll leave them be, not without troubling thoughts, as a reminder of my past wrongs & as a teacher for present and future. I'll live by my word : I will not live in a world of deceit and lies, I will not hide myself behind a mask of untruths!

To those of you who may know me on a personal scale, I apologize. To those who may not know me to such an extent, I apologize.

As of this moment, this pages will be written in a new tone. Rest assured, this is me speaking with a tongue long forgotten. My hope is one : so that this truth will ring forth with the weaves of time and set a-going the rusted mechanics of humanity that once upon a time ran free, unopposed, uncontested within our very veins.

I only pray that my actions be guided in the times to come.

Let me tell you a story about a boy. A young boy who was fresh in his mind untainted by filth, clean & pure but still wet behind the ears. He looks around the world in general awe, respecting every tiny little detail in people, places, buildings, animals, plants, vehicles and all the pleasantries that come with it. All the while, Q's and bulbs popped out of his tiny little head.

He spies with his tiny little eyes : an elephant!
'My, what big creations elephants are', says the boy.
POP!! 'What's that mighty long protrusion where his nose should be?'
POP!! 'It must be for smelling just like mine is!!'
After countless more POPs of Q's and bulbs...he got bored and looked away.

He spies with his tiny little eyes : an ant!
'My, what minuscule creations ants are', says the boy.
POP!! 'Why are there thousands upon millions of ants creeping about?'
POP!! 'That must be your mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles and grannies & grandpas - thinking of his long-winded family tree - just like mine is!!'
After countless more POPs of Q's and bulbs...he got bored and looked away.

He spies and spies and spies some more until he grew old and his skin cracked and his hair grew bald and his back stooped low and until he bowed to the earth right to the moment the earth embraced him - not harshly but as warm and welcoming like that of a life-long pal.

Though he did grow old and his skin cracked and his hair did grow bald and his back did stoop low and he did bow to the earth in the end, he did not grow any wiser nor did he become drier behind the ears (if there ever was such a saying). No, on the contrary, he went into the earth not gaining nothing but nothing & as if the situation was not dire enough to begin with, he lost everything but everything.

You see, he came into this earth a child when the earth was already very, very old. He was a spirited youngling while the earth was a spirited well...earth. He spied everything that his tiny little eyes would allow him to spy while the earth spied all - the boy, his family at the time of his birth, the animals at the edge of the  woods surprised by all the commotion, the woods itself with all it inhabitants down to every leaves on every tree be it big or small down to the roots that crawled into the soil to the mountains that lay scattered on his faces like many freckles to the flatlands that lay beyond to the seas and every creature that dwell in their deepest, darkest reach to the large sky high above when it was raining, shining, day and night - be it star-strewn or starless all the way to the farthest reaches of the universe. Would you imagine that...

But the boy who knew nothing of the secrets of the universe got bored and looked away. While the earth, already knowing and unlocking most of these well-kept secrets, continue to observe and spy, continue to learn and educate and re-educate himself. Mind you, the earth has seen it all for thousands perhaps millions of years before but he will continue to look for thousands perhaps millions of years perhaps forever...


And still, the earth took the boy with warmness despite his act all this while, being nothing more than arrogant,
considered quite rude.

***

Frankly, I have deviated from my original idea (due to my lack of attention & the fact that I am learning to write and in time to speak straight from my heart) but to learn from every experience is of utmost importance to all. My advice to you : FIND A REASON TO MAKE EVERY SECOND OF YOUR LIFE WORTHWHILE