Put it this way: I have indeed done a grave mistake by opening myself to the world beyond that of my own mind - where once it was the safest place in all of space, now it is becoming my own brand of poison.
To save the remnants of what little dose sanity I still possess, I have to come to terms with reality. And though this may seem like the words of a dying man, I assure you (to anyone whom this may concern) that I am well & alive. Time will heal all.
In the meantime, I have made a decision to severe ties with those who live in a world of deceit and lies. I vow to never write of untruths and to never hide myself behind a mask painted by stained hands like so many others that breath in the same air that I did.
While naming the culprits will not help with the problem at hand, and I too was at fault for letting my guard down & letting myself drop too far down, it will only make matters worse, if not, doom us all to a point of no return. Thus, the decision I have made to save myself and live on only to save others when I have bloomed big and strong, sharpen my tongue and mind as well as my wits is rightfully accurate.
As for my mistakes : I'll leave them be, not without troubling thoughts, as a reminder of my past wrongs & as a teacher for present and future. I'll live by my word : I will not live in a world of deceit and lies, I will not hide myself behind a mask of untruths!
To those of you who may know me on a personal scale, I apologize. To those who may not know me to such an extent, I apologize.
As of this moment, this pages will be written in a new tone. Rest assured, this is me speaking with a tongue long forgotten. My hope is one : so that this truth will ring forth with the weaves of time and set a-going the rusted mechanics of humanity that once upon a time ran free, unopposed, uncontested within our very veins.
I only pray that my actions be guided in the times to come.
Let me tell you a story about a boy. A young boy who was fresh in his mind untainted by filth, clean & pure but still wet behind the ears. He looks around the world in general awe, respecting every tiny little detail in people, places, buildings, animals, plants, vehicles and all the pleasantries that come with it. All the while, Q's and bulbs popped out of his tiny little head.
He spies with his tiny little eyes : an elephant!
'My, what big creations elephants are', says the boy.
POP!! 'What's that mighty long protrusion where his nose should be?'
POP!! 'It must be for smelling just like mine is!!'
After countless more POPs of Q's and bulbs...he got bored and looked away.
He spies with his tiny little eyes : an ant!
'My, what minuscule creations ants are', says the boy.
POP!! 'Why are there thousands upon millions of ants creeping about?'
POP!! 'That must be your mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles and grannies & grandpas - thinking of his long-winded family tree - just like mine is!!'
After countless more POPs of Q's and bulbs...he got bored and looked away.
He spies and spies and spies some more until he grew old and his skin cracked and his hair grew bald and his back stooped low and until he bowed to the earth right to the moment the earth embraced him - not harshly but as warm and welcoming like that of a life-long pal.
Though he did grow old and his skin cracked and his hair did grow bald and his back did stoop low and he did bow to the earth in the end, he did not grow any wiser nor did he become drier behind the ears (if there ever was such a saying). No, on the contrary, he went into the earth not gaining nothing but nothing & as if the situation was not dire enough to begin with, he lost everything but everything.
You see, he came into this earth a child when the earth was already very, very old. He was a spirited youngling while the earth was a spirited well...earth. He spied everything that his tiny little eyes would allow him to spy while the earth spied all - the boy, his family at the time of his birth, the animals at the edge of the woods surprised by all the commotion, the woods itself with all it inhabitants down to every leaves on every tree be it big or small down to the roots that crawled into the soil to the mountains that lay scattered on his faces like many freckles to the flatlands that lay beyond to the seas and every creature that dwell in their deepest, darkest reach to the large sky high above when it was raining, shining, day and night - be it star-strewn or starless all the way to the farthest reaches of the universe. Would you imagine that...
But the boy who knew nothing of the secrets of the universe got bored and looked away. While the earth, already knowing and unlocking most of these well-kept secrets, continue to observe and spy, continue to learn and educate and re-educate himself. Mind you, the earth has seen it all for thousands perhaps millions of years before but he will continue to look for thousands perhaps millions of years perhaps forever...
And still, the earth took the boy with warmness despite his act all this while, being nothing more than arrogant,
considered quite rude.
Frankly, I have deviated from my original idea (due to my lack of attention & the fact that I am learning to write and in time to speak straight from my heart) but to learn from every experience is of utmost importance to all. My advice to you : FIND A REASON TO MAKE EVERY SECOND OF YOUR LIFE WORTHWHILE
I only pray that my actions be guided in the times to come.
Let me tell you a story about a boy. A young boy who was fresh in his mind untainted by filth, clean & pure but still wet behind the ears. He looks around the world in general awe, respecting every tiny little detail in people, places, buildings, animals, plants, vehicles and all the pleasantries that come with it. All the while, Q's and bulbs popped out of his tiny little head.
He spies with his tiny little eyes : an elephant!
'My, what big creations elephants are', says the boy.
POP!! 'What's that mighty long protrusion where his nose should be?'
POP!! 'It must be for smelling just like mine is!!'
After countless more POPs of Q's and bulbs...he got bored and looked away.
He spies with his tiny little eyes : an ant!
'My, what minuscule creations ants are', says the boy.
POP!! 'Why are there thousands upon millions of ants creeping about?'
POP!! 'That must be your mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles and grannies & grandpas - thinking of his long-winded family tree - just like mine is!!'
After countless more POPs of Q's and bulbs...he got bored and looked away.
He spies and spies and spies some more until he grew old and his skin cracked and his hair grew bald and his back stooped low and until he bowed to the earth right to the moment the earth embraced him - not harshly but as warm and welcoming like that of a life-long pal.
Though he did grow old and his skin cracked and his hair did grow bald and his back did stoop low and he did bow to the earth in the end, he did not grow any wiser nor did he become drier behind the ears (if there ever was such a saying). No, on the contrary, he went into the earth not gaining nothing but nothing & as if the situation was not dire enough to begin with, he lost everything but everything.
You see, he came into this earth a child when the earth was already very, very old. He was a spirited youngling while the earth was a spirited well...earth. He spied everything that his tiny little eyes would allow him to spy while the earth spied all - the boy, his family at the time of his birth, the animals at the edge of the woods surprised by all the commotion, the woods itself with all it inhabitants down to every leaves on every tree be it big or small down to the roots that crawled into the soil to the mountains that lay scattered on his faces like many freckles to the flatlands that lay beyond to the seas and every creature that dwell in their deepest, darkest reach to the large sky high above when it was raining, shining, day and night - be it star-strewn or starless all the way to the farthest reaches of the universe. Would you imagine that...
But the boy who knew nothing of the secrets of the universe got bored and looked away. While the earth, already knowing and unlocking most of these well-kept secrets, continue to observe and spy, continue to learn and educate and re-educate himself. Mind you, the earth has seen it all for thousands perhaps millions of years before but he will continue to look for thousands perhaps millions of years perhaps forever...
And still, the earth took the boy with warmness despite his act all this while, being nothing more than arrogant,
considered quite rude.
***
Frankly, I have deviated from my original idea (due to my lack of attention & the fact that I am learning to write and in time to speak straight from my heart) but to learn from every experience is of utmost importance to all. My advice to you : FIND A REASON TO MAKE EVERY SECOND OF YOUR LIFE WORTHWHILE
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