اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ
If knowing had a price, it was you.
If knowing had to make a sacrifice, it was me.
But knowing did not know the price for the sacrifice,
Therefore knowing did not know.
Sorry for the mumbo-jumbo, I just had to write that down. You don't get it, fine with me.
Today was a day of many days. If this one day could span a week, this would be how the week-day or day-week felt:
I have a schedule now, and as with any schedule it simply won't be of much help if you don't stick to it. So with heavy steps, I forced myself upright to a start of a new day. This day was very. Short. I figured I had one-hour to do some reading. 'Econs' it showed on my schedule. So Essentials of Economics it was for me. First time reading it really, an amazing feat I would boast to anyone who'll listen. Then, it was day two.
Time to wake up from the book. Next stop, the meeting. The main reason for my being here (or there) today. We agreed for a time and place. I was at the right place and time, but the other party had neither right. I was a bit pissed off. However, I kept my cool, swallowed whatever grunting was coming out and started pacing of aimlessly. How long this day lasted? I wasn't aware. Most probably because it was so refreshing to have a day to walk without going anywhere. Just plain walking. Then, day three came.
Yup, I have to wake from my jovial walk to nowhere and be somewhere. So we met up at the designated spot, waited for a third friend and heard what was there to be heard. I have to say, these people had high targets but sadly, the creativity and action did not match. So my friend and I gave a few ideas to improve here and there. More importantly, I had a chance to showcase my religion. It started with a simple question "What time does Friday prayer start?" and given her deep-rooted curiosity, we bounced more questions and answers for quite some time. Until, the meeting came to an end.
I figured I might as well make the most of my visit. So I asked around for the office because who better to help me out than someone dedicated to a job of ensuring students get to their university of choice, right? Dead wrong! Needless to say, my week ended with a sharp jolt midway through.
The happy days of the week has passed. I was pretty down with people, with myself, with the world in general. I never thought such a harsh world existed. Moreover, I didn't notice I was living in one such world. What a nasty way to wake someone up. What was going through me? A few things really. Was I really up for it? Why did I take the bumpy route when a paved walkway was present? And other more private questions not for the public to know.
It was a new day. "Do not let the failures of yesterday hinder today and tomorrow". I talked myself into believing these words. Well, actually I walked myself into believing. Pretty much the same thing though. In my eyes, at least, they are one and the same. Have you ever been in such a state? What do you do in those times, if ever you face it? I walk. I also write. Like how I'm doing it now. I don't know why but writing your problems on paper has an aftereffect as if your problems are now literally separated from you. Some people throw it away but I never do that. Instead I keep it. For reasons you'll know if you ever read what I wrote today near the lake. The wind helped carried my worries away. It helped too that some people still has my back and cared enough to ask. I must have been dreadful at concealing my problems behind a fake smile. More practice perhaps?
I figured sometimes in life you'll face a day, a week, a month or a year in all those time you have in your clock that seemed just a tad too dark for your liking. You may not like it. But put your trust in Him, for "Allah does not burden a person with something more than he can bear" [2:286]. I know this is true for the word of God is absolute. It's just that some things are too difficult to grasp. So I'll need some help re-affirming what I already know. Wherever its coming from, I'll be glad of accepting it.