10 September 2012

Never Too Old. Just Too Young


اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

There seems to be a disturbance in the air. The once familiar neighbourhood now seems like a distant image of illusion, ripped and torn by the merciless nature of time. And in the midst of all this howling wind and snapping cold, a boy - a lone figure so small it looked impossible such a fragile-looking frame could withstand such ferocity and still walk through the streets undisturbed as if on an evening stroll.

The only give-away of the temperature was the boy's thick, dark cloak that wrapped him on and on in an endless sea of fabric. And the only clue that the boy was a boy was his height. Well, he could be a girl but he could never have been a full-grown man or woman due to his rather dwarfish height. One might even argue for the case of malnutrition to answer for his not-so-tall look but for reasons other than the sake of simplicity, let's not argue with the author shall we?

So here was a boy, bandaged in clothes which resemble rags more than anything really walking hastily down a deserted street. What in the world he was doing, don't ask me for in my unbiased observation he too was at a loss of activity. That was the only reason someone so young to be here so late.

Yes, lost he was. Lost in the sunny ways of typical youngsters by the timing of his arrival and the way he carries himself. Lost in identity I'd say by the way he dressed. Lost in passion for anything by the bored look he so casually wears on his face. Most importantly, lost in words because of the unbreakable silence he had weighing down on his tongue and shoulders. Silence so loud it could only be caused by loneliness and a sense of misdirection.

And here I was looking at him from a distance - aware of all the misery the world has brought upon this young being yet afraid of taking action against such widespread injustice. The boy, I sensed, however was not sorry nor seeking empathy from the cruel inhabitants of this world. Rather, he was seeking understanding - not from the same people that inflicted this curse on him but from within - from and for himself.

The boy's onslaught (I'm sorry to say) has only just begun. And I say this not to siphon what little light he still had with him but as a precaution, a beacon for the boy so that he may keep that light safe from the winds and cold that seek to extinguish it's meek warmth from accompanying the boy through the long and arduous journey he has ahead of him.

A single smile escaped his eyes. There is hope it seems though very slight. He'll need it I suppose and a good sign it was that he was able to find reason to smile even when surrounded by conditions that could've easily put an adult to his knees in utter despair. What is there to smile about? In a place so dark. So wicked. With danger lurking in the shadows, luring weak prey for easy pickings. A place so straight yet so crooked. Where thousands upon thousands were martyred yet very few know of and even fewer care to tend to the wounded.

A world of selfish fools. A place full of deceit where the line between truth and lies blur. A playground for adults, a death arena for kids where coffins are filled with dreams and shut away forever. So tell me, "What is there to smile about?"

This sad sad truth is but the nature of things. That is unless we change it.

As the boy turned around the corner, I stole one last glance at him. Nighttime was knocking on the door and with it comes the amplification of all that's bad. So you would understand why I had to step back from the windowpane. Why I just had to look away from the boy. I could not bear to follow the boy's life anymore. It was too much of a pain.

THUD!!

And there I was thinking running away was the answer. As I fell onto my knees, a surge of pain in my legs. How could I be so blind? There was no boy! Only the passing of day making my reflection on the glass window move inch by inch until the setting sun made it turn into the corner of the sill...

02 September 2012

Pursuit of Happiness


اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

Searching. That's what this is all about. And this is 'life'.

The individual within each of us is always on the lookout. For what? I don't know exactly. But something that leads to happiness. Yes, happiness.

According to science, human beings need certain necessities in order to live. Basic needs that must be met if we are to  survive and see another tomorrow. Basic needs that, deprived of it we become weak, cut off from it over prolonged periods we die.

However, in this world spearheaded by science and innovation, this era of technological progress, one of those necessities still elude us. The object in question? Happiness.

So what is this illusive thing we often think we have? Only to realise, much later, the painful fact that it never came to us in the first place. Have you ever been happy? And I mean truly happy.

Well, that's the thing: I am not so sure myself.

One thing though is for sure - everyone on this earth is in the mad pursuit for happiness. The means of getting to this mirage of a destination differ vastly. The results too vary. Some get there, others never moved an inch closer to it. Amazingly, some even move further away as they struggle harder to get there.

Are you any closer to happiness?

Moving on, and I better stop now before I get too philosophical if I'm not already, how do we catch this thing we're after? Like I said, methods can differ and chances are you may not ever get to your intended destination.

But fear not! For results are out of our domain of power. But efforts, my friend? Effort is the one and only variable in our direct control. Why worry over the winds when you can always adjust your sail?

31 August 2012

A-z


اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

This is just some random stuff I feel like writing.
  1. Let's just try to do our best in everything we do okay?
  2. Have fun but stay safe. Lesson learnt.
  3. I can be a NASCAR driver. (Should really reconsider, hmmm..)
  4. Experience cannot be bought with money, cash or wealth.
  5. Friends are like gold, only better!
  6. I am responsible for my health and well-being.
  7. When you find it hard to say something, just write it in a book (or blog) and hopefully someone reads it. Then you'd have said what you meant to say without saying a word.
  8. Keeping away from your whims and fancies is harder than you thought.
  9. Money has no value tomorrow if you spend it today.
  10. Money also has no value today if you save it tomorrow.
  11. It's okay to weep and cry. Men do it too, they just don't tell.
  12. Life is unexpected, so keep surprising yourself.
  13. People come and go but memories stay embedded.
  14. Time flies regardless of you having fun or not. So you might as well have fun :)
  15. Keep smiling :D

18 August 2012

The Shift

When before I felt heavy to do it, I now find it easier.
When before I let it go to waste, I now salvage its final remains.
When before I thought it impossible, I now find it possible.
When before I choose not to wake, I now cry if I don't.
When before I look freely, I now look down with effort.
When before I delay, I now do it with haste.

When before its coming was nothing special, I now await eagerly for it to arrive.
When before its leaving was something to celebrate, I now shed tears for its passing.

Alhamdulillah, for the opportunity. He alone knows what it means to me.

16 August 2012

Abstinence


اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

I know that I am not that strong, but I'm trying my best. No, I wouldn't call it my best, just a try, a meager effort to correct what has always been my wrong. Like an addict, I too sometimes waver in and out of this cycle. It can be hard, but it is never easy.

I try. I try to take my mind of things just so that the thoughts don't come and occupy what little space I've left in my head.

I try. I try to free my time by constraining myself and it with work and play but there come times when, abruptly, the positions switch and he comes out while I stare from within - locked.

I try. Just not enough.

I try. Just not my best.

So here I am again, at the starting point. Square one. A changed person, yet still the same old persona. My destination? A long way to go. My provisions? I know not how to value these possessions of mine. My mistake? Repeated.

My consciousness? Struggling to fight a decisive war, where the cost of losing or winning looks to be the same. However, I take to faith that this deen is a deen of effort, not results.

Results are important but compared to the effort you put in, it is insubstantial.

For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
Ash-sharh (Al-Insyirah)[94:5-6]

14 August 2012

One More Door


اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

This last door has been snapped shut. Maybe this is for the best, wallahu'alam~

Introvert


اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ


I have always found it difficult to express my thoughts to others. I can speak, but I don't share what I face, how I feel, with anyone, at anytime. In those rare circumstances that I do, I give a surface view of the deeper recesses of my thoughts. Enough for the listener to know, not enough for them to understand.

Thus the reason I write, for in writing words come easy. I don't have to hold back, and I can give a clearer view of whatever lies within. For a few years, this method has worked out fine. This few years, I was able to express myself.

Until now...

Because as of now (a couple of months or so actually), I find writing to be insufficient, lacking, inappropriate even as a means to convey what I need conveyed.

So now, I have gone searching. Looking far and wide, high and low for that one way to feel free again. Like I used to feel. The end product I have in mind is similar, but the path I see is totally different. The path I used to tread? Not an option anymore. The new path? It scares me. A lot. But I also know (with wavering certainty) that this road is better than the last.

So what lies ahead? Only He knows. While I was a sure-footed boy just months back, I now find the smallest of steps difficult to take, and not just because I now have doubts of where I'm going but also because I desperately need someone to take on this weight for me, with me.

I wish you luck for your endeavors , for half of mine has passed. Though I did not get what I had hoped for, the results were easy to accept. All I can say is that He gave according to my efforts, maybe more than what I truly deserved.

For now, I'll go back into the shell that I once was...


12 August 2012

Mumble Mumble


اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

Before you read this, know that: the statements forthcoming are my personal views, you can choose to reject or accept it. I don't expect anyone to agree.

***

Why can certain people be so blind? It is true that we all have our own bias in matters of faith and belief, but when you see truth, that is truth and all fallacies are untruths.

The search for the truth can be daunting especially when everyone has claim over it, but know that God is near and if it's truth you seek, seek it from Him, and He shall lead you to it. Faith is all you need.

Things that are clear cut, you don't need faith to believe in it. It is those things that are vague that needs reassurance in the form of belief. If I told you to jump from a ledge and from your vintage point, you can see the bottom, you'll dive head-on given the right tools for the job. Take the exact same ledge and put yourself on the edge only blindfolded, and I don't think you'll be up for it. That is, unless you have faith.

The search for religion, is the same.

Lastly, here's a Surat from the Al-Quran: Surat Al-Kafirun

09 August 2012

The Last 10...

... is the best 10, insyaAllah :) "the change starts within us"

28 July 2012

Beating Around


اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

Seriously, this may be the most difficult thing to do. To ignore, to run from my urges. But, hey, isn't that what Ramadhan is all about?

This month is a month of training. More specifically, an endurance test for the soul. Sometimes it gets hard, and you just feel like giving up but remember: laa yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'ahaa :)

Just like an athlete who trains day and night, suffers muscle cramps and injuries after injuries, we too feel the strain on our five senses and a sixth: the soul. However, I believe (just like athletes) we'll come out of this boot camp a better person. The journey will make sure of that.

So, friends, this is a time to either make it or break it. You choose.

And I know, I too find my time sadly constrained by circumstances and responsibilities. I sometimes wonder how almost two months had passed without me finding a time for myself. It seems that my life has been mechanical at least - very routinized and structured, rigid almost to the point of breaking under pressure.

I just hope - and pray - that I can hold on. God-willing, I will.