اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ
I have always found it difficult to express my thoughts to others. I can speak, but I don't share what I face, how I feel, with anyone, at anytime. In those rare circumstances that I do, I give a surface view of the deeper recesses of my thoughts. Enough for the listener to know, not enough for them to understand.
Thus the reason I write, for in writing words come easy. I don't have to hold back, and I can give a clearer view of whatever lies within. For a few years, this method has worked out fine. This few years, I was able to express myself.
Because as of now (a couple of months or so actually), I find writing to be insufficient, lacking, inappropriate even as a means to convey what I need conveyed.
So now, I have gone searching. Looking far and wide, high and low for that one way to feel free again. Like I used to feel. The end product I have in mind is similar, but the path I see is totally different. The path I used to tread? Not an option anymore. The new path? It scares me. A lot. But I also know (with wavering certainty) that this road is better than the last.
So what lies ahead? Only He knows. While I was a sure-footed boy just months back, I now find the smallest of steps difficult to take, and not just because I now have doubts of where I'm going but also because I desperately need someone to take on this weight for me, with me.
I wish you luck for your endeavors , for half of mine has passed. Though I did not get what I had hoped for, the results were easy to accept. All I can say is that He gave according to my efforts, maybe more than what I truly deserved.
For now, I'll go back into the shell that I once was...