Chill laa, it's only 2 pages of writing right? It's only a few hours of your night's sleep gone down the drain right? It's not like you can't re-do right?
-__________-
Next time I'm writing my essays on Blogger, at least they save your work every few key strokes...
22 July 2011
20 July 2011
One Footed Man
The land spread open beneath him. It was the aftermath on a seemingly endless fight. At the end of the massacre lay a sea of bodies - troops divided just a second ago, now hugging each other close for what warmth still remain in the lifeless bodies of friends and foes - with eyes that show no sign of life.
And in the midst of it all, stood one man. The tallest monument that can be seen for miles and miles. He was crippled. And he is the one footed man. He, who walked nevertheless. One step at a time. Pushing. Shoving. Driving. What a scene to behold!
Look at me. Able-bodied and strong, but lack the drive nor do I possess the strength to push an inch forwards in paper. May we swap roles, oh one footed man?
...What good will it do? Nothing I say..
And in the midst of it all, stood one man. The tallest monument that can be seen for miles and miles. He was crippled. And he is the one footed man. He, who walked nevertheless. One step at a time. Pushing. Shoving. Driving. What a scene to behold!
Look at me. Able-bodied and strong, but lack the drive nor do I possess the strength to push an inch forwards in paper. May we swap roles, oh one footed man?
...What good will it do? Nothing I say..
17 July 2011
16 July 2011
Twist, Turn, Stay Up All Night
A switch is in place. Tonight, to turn oneself into the opposite. It's been some time now since I've done this. I don't know if I can do it anymore.
Remembering the first struggle half a decade ago on the first night. Difficult doesn't even come close to describing the experience. But since then, I've done it dozens of times. There was even a time when it was so natural it took no effort at all.
But that time has long gone...
Months of over-comfort and staying on the low has reaped my ability to do what I can in the past. Now, I must start from square one. Just like that night 5 years ago. Tonight, I'll go to war. Tomorrow, one of us will emerge victorious, the other - a fallen entity - broken.
Let the switching begin! Let's see who breaks and who stands!
Remembering the first struggle half a decade ago on the first night. Difficult doesn't even come close to describing the experience. But since then, I've done it dozens of times. There was even a time when it was so natural it took no effort at all.
But that time has long gone...
Months of over-comfort and staying on the low has reaped my ability to do what I can in the past. Now, I must start from square one. Just like that night 5 years ago. Tonight, I'll go to war. Tomorrow, one of us will emerge victorious, the other - a fallen entity - broken.
Let the switching begin! Let's see who breaks and who stands!
15 July 2011
To Live Life Live
You live today to see tomorrow,
You live yesterday to taste today,
You live tomorrow to remember today,
You live life to feel alive,
You live a dead man's life,
The moment you see yesterday today.
And the moment you see tomorrow no day.
14 July 2011
Cleanse And Fall
This post is none other than a response to the pleas of someone dear to me. Know that you're not alone. Never alone :)
***
Where am I? Oh, just another dream. But it was too vivid. And I'm still sweating from the rush of it all. Shrugging of the sleepiness, I pulled my heavy frame from the bean bag. I really need to stop watching all those crap on TV. They're trash. They get into your mind and dig into your brain. Urggh!
Making my way to the washroom with nothing to guide me but the familiarity of experience and countless of years living in this room. Effortlessly I waived my way through the mess that was my own doing - clothes strewn all across the wooden board (man, do they need a wash or what...), books turned brown not from reading but plain old lack of human touch, crumpled papers from the previous night overflowing the rubbish bin and the mountain of plugs, wires, chargers and other knacks criss-crossing the floor like a thousand boas lying silently in wait for its next victim.Me.
Thump! Ouch!
You didn't see that did you? No, you couldn't have. How could you in this dark room? Freaking things! Why can't you arrange yourselves neatly?
Luckily, I'm so close to the door that the sliver of white light coming through the gap was enough to tell me quite accurately where I should be heading. Great, the tap. Dripping. Again. I'm broke, and yet I didn't even bother to stop what little money I have from dripping out of my tap. Drip. Drip. Drip. And with each drop, the hole in my pocket is enlarged.
With a quick wash of my face, the details came, driving out all the sleep out of me and a splash of colour was painted unto my world. Looking up, a man with long, messy, slightly coloured hair stared at me. His eyes were dark brown, beautiful and fierce to look at but at the moment, he wore an expression of pure weariness that took out all grandeur from his handsome face. Heck, he looked pathetic even. And the long dark line underneath his eyes didn't help make him look any better.
I'm sick of looking at this man. Turning away from the reflection, turning away from the truth, I lead myself into the dark confines of my room. But the other man did not turn his back. Instead, he stayed his spot, seeing the door close shut, a thin wooden door resembling all that was and is - a separation of two.
Little did I know, the door I so often keep shut will soon open. And far from realizing did I that this time, I won't be able to close it. Just then, with a loud BANG the door behind me flew outwards! Light flooded the compound and at the base of my feet stood two shadows - one pinned to my legs, the other unusually long and tall, slightly to my right.
"Hey, bub. Long time no see," and immediately I know the owner of that hoarse voice. It's my voice...
10 July 2011
Long Time No Hair
Hahaha, I know the title sounds funny but hey, what can I do? :)
A long line of regrets go to those of you not here to see me in the flesh. I hope we'll see one another soon enough.
Truth be told, I miss you guys like hell. Gone were the times we would play futsal while cramping the tiny space we had with God-knows-how-many people played each evening. Gone were the days we would run through the desert others call field laughing ourselves shitless while chasing ball. Gone were the days when the whole world went off after the Friday prayers - where the compound seemed ghostly and no sound permeates the halls of knowledge.
I miss those days...
What I would give to experience it just once more. To feel the sleepiness creeping up on my body. To sing and shout at the top of our lungs in the dead of night. To live with vampires and werewolves and ghouls of the night. To be in the company of friends all through till morning. And then to look at others' faces - tired and worn, barely able to muster the slightest of focus, and then to blur out of focus. All the while nodding in unison. There but absent.
What I would give to walk those corridors I grew up to love. Where we ran and played at night. Where we learned and mingled in the day. Where memories - sweet, sour, salty and bitter - were made and buried. How I long for the day we would all stand together as one. Day, come fast. Let me smile again. Put that hair back where it came from. And then split us as you will, only for the cycle to begin anew. Until one day. The day we follow in the footsteps of our one friend who has gone with the wind.
Footsteps dug into the sands. They disappear just as fast as they appear. An ever-present subject, always behind us. Imitating our every moment, each step of the way. Morning. Noon. Then evening comes bringing with it the orange tinge of sunset. There he is! Our friend! Leading us into the sunset. Shifting from the solid person he is into a silhouette of black into a tiny speck of dot. At last, night.
Night..Night...Night...
A long line of regrets go to those of you not here to see me in the flesh. I hope we'll see one another soon enough.
Truth be told, I miss you guys like hell. Gone were the times we would play futsal while cramping the tiny space we had with God-knows-how-many people played each evening. Gone were the days we would run through the desert others call field laughing ourselves shitless while chasing ball. Gone were the days when the whole world went off after the Friday prayers - where the compound seemed ghostly and no sound permeates the halls of knowledge.
I miss those days...
What I would give to experience it just once more. To feel the sleepiness creeping up on my body. To sing and shout at the top of our lungs in the dead of night. To live with vampires and werewolves and ghouls of the night. To be in the company of friends all through till morning. And then to look at others' faces - tired and worn, barely able to muster the slightest of focus, and then to blur out of focus. All the while nodding in unison. There but absent.
What I would give to walk those corridors I grew up to love. Where we ran and played at night. Where we learned and mingled in the day. Where memories - sweet, sour, salty and bitter - were made and buried. How I long for the day we would all stand together as one. Day, come fast. Let me smile again. Put that hair back where it came from. And then split us as you will, only for the cycle to begin anew. Until one day. The day we follow in the footsteps of our one friend who has gone with the wind.
Footsteps dug into the sands. They disappear just as fast as they appear. An ever-present subject, always behind us. Imitating our every moment, each step of the way. Morning. Noon. Then evening comes bringing with it the orange tinge of sunset. There he is! Our friend! Leading us into the sunset. Shifting from the solid person he is into a silhouette of black into a tiny speck of dot. At last, night.
Night..Night...Night...
09 July 2011
05 July 2011
Perlu ke?
Okay, tak banyak benda aku nak perkatakan. Just that, perlu ke semua nak touching pasal hal-hal kecik?
Socialization at childhood stage: FAIL! Siapa yang hendak dipersalahkan? Sejujurnya, aku pun tak tahu. Lantak lah, aku pun ada hidup sendiri. Banyak lagi hal aku nak kena fikirkan. Kalau umur pun sudah macam tu, rasanya tak perlu lah nak diajar lagi membanding beza baik buruk patut tak patut. Otak ada, pandai-pandai guna ya!
Maaflah kalau aku tersilap kata, terkasar bahasa. Tapi macam mana kalau aku senyap je pun kau nak simpan perasaan marah? Tak puas hati, cakap je. Aku boleh terima. Ini tidak. Senyap bagai tunggul, muka nak ketat. Koyak kulit baru tau...
Socialization at childhood stage: FAIL! Siapa yang hendak dipersalahkan? Sejujurnya, aku pun tak tahu. Lantak lah, aku pun ada hidup sendiri. Banyak lagi hal aku nak kena fikirkan. Kalau umur pun sudah macam tu, rasanya tak perlu lah nak diajar lagi membanding beza baik buruk patut tak patut. Otak ada, pandai-pandai guna ya!
Maaflah kalau aku tersilap kata, terkasar bahasa. Tapi macam mana kalau aku senyap je pun kau nak simpan perasaan marah? Tak puas hati, cakap je. Aku boleh terima. Ini tidak. Senyap bagai tunggul, muka nak ketat. Koyak kulit baru tau...
02 July 2011
Stretch & Burn
Party all night, sleep all day! That's what I call my weekend. Only it's not such a hot party mainly because I'm home alone. Sad ain't it?
Anyhow, this is just an intro. The real post starts below:
Surely, I don't know how long this hurdle is going to stay here. It's been turning on and off for some time now. And just when I thought it was over, a tiny spark is seen, ending up with a flare and a boom and a pop and a bang!
And with that, comes the painfully familiar relief of water, accompanied by the guilt and misery of knowing that it was I who destroyed my own creation. What a pain..
It is one thing to see your hardwork and efforts go down the drain at the hands of an enemy. It is another thing to watch on the sidelines as your life's work go poof, and waking up looking into your face - the destroyer - and with blood on your own two hands.
Wash it as you may, the continuous red flow might go away but the guilt and scars remain. The cycle then continues. Again. And again. And again. And again.
Not anymore! I've suffered the burn for the last time. This battle has just gone up a notch, and I am not going to be on the losing end!
I'm all fired up and ready. This means war!!
Anyhow, this is just an intro. The real post starts below:
Surely, I don't know how long this hurdle is going to stay here. It's been turning on and off for some time now. And just when I thought it was over, a tiny spark is seen, ending up with a flare and a boom and a pop and a bang!
And with that, comes the painfully familiar relief of water, accompanied by the guilt and misery of knowing that it was I who destroyed my own creation. What a pain..
It is one thing to see your hardwork and efforts go down the drain at the hands of an enemy. It is another thing to watch on the sidelines as your life's work go poof, and waking up looking into your face - the destroyer - and with blood on your own two hands.
Wash it as you may, the continuous red flow might go away but the guilt and scars remain. The cycle then continues. Again. And again. And again. And again.
Not anymore! I've suffered the burn for the last time. This battle has just gone up a notch, and I am not going to be on the losing end!
I'm all fired up and ready. This means war!!
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