...

The solitary tree stood strong in the middle of a vast expense of grassland. All around, jagged pieces of rock pierced the land making a colossal border between the world outside and the haven locked within.

For so long, the tree remained green and healthy. Warm winds gave the place a fresh breath. The base of the tree became shelter from harsh sunlight while warmth emanated from its shade for any who pass underneath. 

Then one day, a boy came to that tree. At first, he sought the tree's protection but as time flew by, he began to ruin and mar the tree. He poked at the roots, picked at the leaves. The boy soon realised he had been mistreating that which had saved him initially.

Sadden by his own act of destruction, the boy sought a way to preserve the tree - with all its beauty and grandeur intact - before further damage can be inflicted. He knew deep within his lonely heart that the tree will grow again, that time will make it whole again and that his parting will heal - both the tree and himself. But only if he leaves the place. For now.

A single leaf - young and bright and green - fell into his lap. It seems the tree too is urging him to go on.

So with heavy steps, lead in his chest and a single leaf in hand, he took off away from the familiar soil of comfort into the great unknown. The sun was setting. A new day was dawning. Harrowing as it may be, he saw the necessity in his action. Until the time is right. "Until I can correct my intentions,"  cried the little voice in his head.

He stole one last look at the tree. From a distance, the tree looked amazing. Bright orange from the last light of the slipping sun. Or was it light from within? A little bit of both he thought. It was a bittersweet moment.

Gripping the leaf, the boy set forward.

Hidden Meanings

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

That person was not given colour because people are prone to rust, just like myself.

The window is large enough to see out of the house, but if you dream big, you can see the world from just about anywhere and looking in any direction.

The walls are bare and at one glance may look weak, fragile even but due to the force constantly being applied to it, I believe it can and will stand against all adversity.

The stairs don't even provide a solid foothold, but think differently and you may just reach the top without taking the stairs (the normal route others often take).

The box may be small but know this: it was made of a bigger substance and only with a strong will (and enough glue) can we hold it down to size.

The storm is coming (and will come) from every and any direction but stay awhile and you'll soon find it just a gust of really strong wind that circulates in a vortex. Cut it at one point and it gets smaller. Just remember to cut it one small bit at a time. Don't overdo it.

The flower - the only object with colour(s) - gives life to what would otherwise be a plain setting. Keep that colour vibrant and continue to grow :)

Remember these things. And remind me in case I forget.

Empty Corridors & Dusty Hallways

Sayu, semacam hari-hari terakhir di sekolah dulu. Tapi waktu tu sempat juga berjabat tangan, berpelukan sebelum masing-masing mencari haluan sendiri. Bergurau untuk kali terakhir, bertukar-tukar senyuman. Kali ni, tak sempat.

Tapi, insyaAllah, satu hari nanti kita boleh bertemu lagi. Kalau tak di sini, di sana.

Terima kasih para sahabat :)

3/11/12

The scenery tonight is one of complete and utter marvel. It is not one of those views you have to pay just so you can get a glimpse. One look and that's it. No. In fact, this spectacular 'feast for the eyes' is a free-for-all incidence. Words simply cannot describe the intricate details of such wonders for no choice of vocabulary arranged in any manner will do justice to tonight's simple, yet majestic aura.

However, I will try to explain to the best of my abilities.

Before that, though, let's delve into issues of 'values'. What are 'values'? What makes something, some memories, someone or some places 'valuable'? What do you value most in life? These, and many other unresolved questions will mark most of our lives. And admit it or not, we never really understand our own justifications for appreciating something. Admit it or not, we never truly know why we love certain things, hold one person in a higher position to others, or even choose one item in a menu over the rest of the list of food items.

But know this: The best things in life i.e. the objects of highest value in life usually come free. The time spent with family and friends. A drop of rain after a hot day, a ray of sunshine after the heavy downpour, a breath of oxygen into the lungs - all given to us, with minimal or no effort on our part.

At the same time, know this too: None of the privileges shoved into our lives are free. You shed time from your personal life to get down and sit with those you love. Rain for you means floods for others. The warmth of the sun is an inferno that siphons water and food sources in one part of the world, making the commodity scarce. One breath you take in is one breath of air less for someone who truly needs it. Since you took that oxygen, he got none. As absurd as it seems, this is the sad truth about privileges. There is always, always a cost to it.

Tonight was no different. The wonders of waking up at this hour (the time just before dawn) comes at the expense of certain aspects of my life. For one, I lose sleep. My body is screaming all around me, ordering me to lie down, to rest, to stop straining my eyes, muscles and brain. But, like I said, this night is not like other nights. Somehow , it was different. In a good way, that is. I do not why it's so unusual (didn't I say we never know why we like certain things?) but it was not unwanted.

This calmness is rare especially in an urban industrial setting such as here (wherever 'here' may be). In the dead of night, the usual buzz of engine and honks of, well honks, seem so alien it was as if those dreaded sounds never echoed over the large concrete walls of tall buildings. And the hoards of people that, in daylight, often litter the streets of this metropolitan somehow seem to vanish into thin air.

*this is where I fell asleep. I never, until this day, recalled what I'd intended to say originally* *double sigh*

Learning To Say 'No'

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

If this was a test, then I am miserably failing. I need space - something that seems to be depleting real soon - to clear something up, with people around me and with myself.

I am a big bag of mess. I have may compulsive disorder among other (soon to be discovered) mental problems.

I wrote this to stay sane. Hopefully I'll recover some of my lost senses - sense of direction, sense of distance, sense of time, commonsense - when (if) I wake up tomorrow.

Till then, I have to reorganize my life. "Now, where did I put my schedule?"

Replay

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=er8NlSlxh2g&feature=context-gfa

The Road Most Took

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

-The Road Not Taken 

Robert Frost

Musim

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

Apa sebenarnya yang terkandung dalam hidup kita ini? Dari dulu aku selalu bertanya. Okay, takdalah dari dulu punya dulu, more to since Form 3 kut. Sebab apa soalan tu timbul? Entah. Jujur aku langsung tak ingat.

Tapi waktu tu, aku menyendiri. Macam sekarang. Aku tak bergaul sangat, just bertepuk bertampar sekadar nak lupakan rasa berat di hati, sekadar nak cover, sekadar yang masih termampu untuk tersenyum. Bila terbiar berseorangan, macam-macam perasaan mula menyelinap. Rasa tak tenteram, rimas, lemas. Tapi aku buat endah tak endah, budget and mungkin sedikit ego. Taknak jumpa orang, taknak cerita, takkan berkongsi. Selfish. Itu aku.

Dan bila dah terlalu teruk, baru nak sedar diri. Menyesal atas kebodohan diri, yang selalu menolak tangan orang. Tangan yang sebenarnya aku sangat perlukan.

Sekarang musim itu datang lagi. Musim bersedih. Dulu, aku kira aku seorang je yang melalui musim ini. Namun sekarang aku tahu, ramai lagi yang sepertiku. Ada yang lebih teruk dugaan mereka. Dalam kalangan kawan-kawan aku pun ramai. Kadang-kadang aku teringin nak kumpulkan semua masalah, penyakit dan anything yang menyempitkan mereka & simpan dalam diri aku. Biar aku je yang tanggung semua. Walaupun aku tahu aku takkan mampu. Takkan mampu faham masalah mereka, takkan mampu kumpulkan semua kesakitan mereka, and most importantly takkan mampu nak tangani sebegitu besar cabaran.

Kalau aku mampu...

Kadang-kadang aku terkilan dengan kejahilan aku. Kita. Kita tahu apa yang sepatutnya kita buat. Kita tahu jalan penyelesaian sentiasa ada eventhough maybe pada awalnya mata kita dikaburi dek kebesaran masalah kita & kekerdilan diri kita. Tapi, looking back, pada dugaan yang aku pernah lalui dan yang pernah aku perhatikan orang lain tempuhi, in the end, walau gergasi manapun gunung yang menghalang, in the end kita semua berjaya. Buktinya? Kita masih bernafas, diberi nafas yang datangnya seiring dengan cabaran hari baru.

Jadi, kenapa kita selalu fokus pada masalah dan bukan pada penyelesaiannya? Walhal masalah takkan luput tanpa usaha. Usaha dan doa. Tapi kita berdoa sahaja banyak. Usaha ilek. Berdoa itupun ala kadar saja, tak disertai kepercayaan. Sekadar cukup syarat. Aku lebih-lebih lagi.

Kalau ikut norma kehidupan, kita sepatutnya semakin dewasa tiap hari yang silih berganti. Tapi aku  tak merasa begitu, sebab dulu aku pernah kenal seorang Afiz yang kuat. Dia yakin diri, dia tahu apa  yang dia nak dalam hidup, dan dia berusaha sehabis baik untuk capai target itu. Kalau dia jatuh, dia bangun dan teruskan dengan lagi gigih. Kalau dia terluka, dia tak terhenti. Kalau dia kalah pun dia masih menganggap dirinya menang. Kerana orang lain jugak mengiktiraf kemenangan dia. Mengapa? Kerana usaha dia menakjubkan.

Tapi Afiz itu sudah semakin pudar. Aku risau, satu hari nanti dia terkubur dan dilupakan. 

If

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too:

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;

If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same:.

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings,

And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son! 

-a beautiful piece by Rudyard Kipling