A-z

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

This is just some random stuff I feel like writing.

1. Let's just try to do our best in everything we do okay?
2. Have fun but stay safe. Lesson learnt.
3. I can be a NASCAR driver. (Should really reconsider, hmmm..)
4. Experience cannot be bought with money, cash or wealth.
5. Friends are like gold, only better!
6. I am responsible for my health and well-being.
7. When you find it hard to say something, just write it in a book (or blog) and hopefully someone reads it. Then you'd have said what you meant to say without saying a word.
8. Keeping away from your whims and fancies is harder than you thought.
9. Money has no value tomorrow if you spend it today.
10. Money also has no value today if you save it tomorrow.
11. It's okay to weep and cry. Men do it too, they just don't tell.
12. Life is unexpected, so keep surprising yourself.
13. People come and go but memories stay embedded.
14. Time flies regardless of you having fun or not. So you might as well have fun :)
15. Keep smiling :D

The Shift

When before I felt heavy to do it, I now find it easier.
When before I let it go to waste, I now salvage its final remains.
When before I thought it impossible, I now find it possible.
When before I choose not to wake, I now cry if I don't.
When before I look freely, I now look down with effort.
When before I delay, I now do it with haste.

When before its coming was nothing special, I now await eagerly for it to arrive.
When before its leaving was something to celebrate, I now shed tears for its passing.

Alhamdulillah, for the opportunity. He alone knows what it means to me.

Abstinence

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

I know that I am not that strong, but I'm trying my best. No, I wouldn't call it my best, just a try, a meager effort to correct what has always been my wrong. Like an addict, I too sometimes waver in and out of this cycle. It can be hard, but it is never easy.

I try. I try to take my mind of things just so that the thoughts don't come and occupy what little space I've left in my head.

I try. I try to free my time by constraining myself and it with work and play but there come times when, abruptly, the positions switch and he comes out while I stare from within - locked.

I try. Just not enough.

I try. Just not my best.

So here I am again, at the starting point. Square one. A changed person, yet still the same old persona. My destination? A long way to go. My provisions? I know not how to value these possessions of mine. My mistake? Repeated.

My consciousness? Struggling to fight a decisive war, where the cost of losing or winning looks to be the same. However, I take to faith that this deen is a deen of effort, not results.

Results are important but compared to the effort you put in, it is insubstantial.

For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
Ash-sharh (Al-Insyirah)[94:5-6]

One More Door

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

This last door has been snapped shut. Maybe this is for the best, wallahu'alam~

Introvert

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

I have always found it difficult to express my thoughts to others. I can speak, but I don't share what I face, how I feel, with anyone, at anytime. In those rare circumstances that I do, I give a surface view of the deeper recesses of my thoughts. Enough for the listener to know, not enough for them to understand.

Thus the reason I write, for in writing words come easy. I don't have to hold back, and I can give a clearer view of whatever lies within. For a few years, this method has worked out fine. This few years, I was able to express myself.

Until now...

Because as of now (a couple of months or so actually), I find writing to be insufficient, lacking, inappropriate even as a means to convey what I need conveyed.

So now, I have gone searching. Looking far and wide, high and low for that one way to feel free again. Like I used to feel. The end product I have in mind is similar, but the path I see is totally different. The path I used to tread? Not an option anymore. The new path? It scares me. A lot. But I also know (with wavering certainty) that this road is better than the last.

So what lies ahead? Only He knows. While I was a sure-footed boy just months back, I now find the smallest of steps difficult to take, and not just because I now have doubts of where I'm going but also because I desperately need someone to take on this weight for me, with me.

I wish you luck for your endeavors , for half of mine has passed. Though I did not get what I had hoped for, the results were easy to accept. All I can say is that He gave according to my efforts, maybe more than what I truly deserved.

For now, I'll go back into the shell that I once was...

Mumble Mumble

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

Before you read this, know that: the statements forthcoming are my personal views, you can choose to reject or accept it. I don't expect anyone to agree.

***

Why can certain people be so blind? It is true that we all have our own bias in matters of faith and belief, but when you see truth, that is truth and all fallacies are untruths.

The search for the truth can be daunting especially when everyone has claim over it, but know that God is near and if it's truth you seek, seek it from Him, and He shall lead you to it. Faith is all you need.

Things that are clear cut, you don't need faith to believe in it. It is those things that are vague that needs reassurance in the form of belief. If I told you to jump from a ledge and from your vintage point, you can see the bottom, you'll dive head-on given the right tools for the job. Take the exact same ledge and put yourself on the edge only blindfolded, and I don't think you'll be up for it. That is, unless you have faith.

The search for religion, is the same.

Lastly, here's a Surat from the Al-Quran: Surat Al-Kafirun

The Last 10...

... is the best 10, insyaAllah :) "the change starts within us"