Abstinence

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

I know that I am not that strong, but I'm trying my best. No, I wouldn't call it my best, just a try, a meager effort to correct what has always been my wrong. Like an addict, I too sometimes waver in and out of this cycle. It can be hard, but it is never easy.

I try. I try to take my mind of things just so that the thoughts don't come and occupy what little space I've left in my head.

I try. I try to free my time by constraining myself and it with work and play but there come times when, abruptly, the positions switch and he comes out while I stare from within - locked.

I try. Just not enough.

I try. Just not my best.

So here I am again, at the starting point. Square one. A changed person, yet still the same old persona. My destination? A long way to go. My provisions? I know not how to value these possessions of mine. My mistake? Repeated.

My consciousness? Struggling to fight a decisive war, where the cost of losing or winning looks to be the same. However, I take to faith that this deen is a deen of effort, not results.

Results are important but compared to the effort you put in, it is insubstantial.

For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
Ash-sharh (Al-Insyirah)[94:5-6]