28 July 2012

Beating Around

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

Seriously, this may be the most difficult thing to do. To ignore, to run from my urges. But, hey, isn't that what Ramadhan is all about?

This month is a month of training. More specifically, an endurance test for the soul. Sometimes it gets hard, and you just feel like giving up but remember: laa yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'ahaa :)

Just like an athlete who trains day and night, suffers muscle cramps and injuries after injuries, we too feel the strain on our five senses and a sixth: the soul. However, I believe (just like athletes) we'll come out of this boot camp a better person. The journey will make sure of that.

So, friends, this is a time to either make it or break it. You choose.

And I know, I too find my time sadly constrained by circumstances and responsibilities. I sometimes wonder how almost two months had passed without me finding a time for myself. It seems that my life has been mechanical at least - very routinized and structured, rigid almost to the point of breaking under pressure.

I just hope - and pray - that I can hold on. God-willing, I will.

19 July 2012

Lost and Found

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

Everybody is looking for something, and as long as you have Him, you're never really truly lost. Put your trust in Him, and let's find whatever it is we're trying to find starting today, through Ramadhan and throughout our short lives, insyaAllah :)

16 July 2012

A Journey of 114 Steps

...Starts with a single phrase: "In the name of Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful"

15 July 2012

The Skin I Wear

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

You know how we are all motivated by rational self-interest? The way we make friends only because he has more to offer than her. The way we order the most expensive food on the menu when the bill's on someone but look for the cheapest alternative when dinner's on you. Well, it may not be so apparent at first but look deeper and you'll have to agree (at one point or another).

I too am a self-interested, calculative person. I work when I can gain something from the work. I smile when it will make me feel better, I do not do it for others. I read, and learn, and write because I am the benefactor and the beneficiary. I do all because of me. Me. Me. Me. And when I'm not so selfish, I do it for "I".

But having figured out this selfish identity of mine, I wish to eradicate him. Kill him. No, murder him, in fact. And this will be the last act I do for "I" and "Me". This last selfish act will at last set the real me free. Free of selfish desires. Free of all the diseases of the heart. And with my heart cleansed and purified, I can finally, eventually do acts of kindness for others' sake.

To be able to smile for others' happiness as well as my own. To be there for someone even if I have to lose out. To say good things in order to help one other than myself feel better. To be the best I can be, alone or in public. To be ikhlas...

This skin I wear, I have often teared. But this imaginary skin I hold, I am so afraid to be left bear. So this year, I have made a new resolution. Not a new year's resolution, nor any year's resolution; just a slight inclination to change, to shed my skin anew so that I be left naked for all to see. For all to see what I truly am, and what I truly want to be.

11 July 2012


اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

I was alone then. But it felt just nice. My face still cool from the wudhu' and a few naughty drops clinging to my beard. "I like this place," I thought. "No, I love it". It is always calm, and not too cool nor too hot. Just right.

I used to have a place like this once. Okay, more than once. One time in our old house, but when we shifted to the next street, the place was lost.One more time at school. It became the place I so often walked to when I need time alone (which is not often). It became my fortress of solitude. My sanctuary, a place where I can collect my thoughts.

But I didn't know it then. I did not know it until today, today - the day I found my third place of peace. I once more have a spot to call when things get out of hand, but this time it's different.

Different because: 1) This place lies in me, with me, within me. 2) I'm making this place my hobby.

So you can bet (insyaAllah) that I'll be here often. Are you curious yet? Well, only He knows what my new hobby is, where my fortress of solitude lie and how often I go there. The rest of you lot need not know :)

Time Is Relative

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

I really should be digging through my mountain of work, but frankly, I think if I don't find an outlet to all these things, I will literally explode. So, Blogger, shut up and do your thing!

The concept of time is very interesting. You can ask someone what is a laptop, and chances are he/she will do a good job explaining it (given that they know what a laptop is). Similarly, go and ask a five-year old what's a tree. He/she can not only describe it, he/she may even draw it up for you on a piece of paper (given they've seen a tree before, they can at least form incomplete sentences, you can comprehend their language, and the availability of the said piece of paper. And pencil. Or pen. Complete with colouring pencils if you'd prefer).

But ask this: "What is time?"

Ask this to anyone. Ask this to the person next to you. Ask your parents. Ask a professor. Ask me. Ask yourself.

"What is time?"

Then, chances are you'll say "Time is....well...time is time!" or "Time is the hour of the day - whether it's day or night" or "The time is now 11:41 p.m".

We all have a sense of time. We know when we're on time. We know there's a time for eat, sleep, even time to shit. We know we are limited to 24 hours of time in a day. We know a lot about 'time' but at the same time, we do not know "What is time?"

I once read an article on 'time'. Some smart guy who wrote the article said "Time is what you measure with a clock". Pretty smart of him eh? 

To a certain extent, I'd say he's right. Just as length is what you measure with a ruler, just as weight you measure with scales, time is (like he said) simply what you measure with a clock.

But then, why do some people get more out of their seemingly same amount of time given as compared to others. Each of us are given 24 hours a day, but not all of us accomplish the same things. Efficiency, skills, knowledge and all variables aside, shouldn't you and me both be physics professors by now? 

The simple answer is: NO. And you know why? Because time is relative to the individual. Ever been through this scenario:

--You and a friend watch a movie together. The movie duration is 1 hour 36 minutes 21 seconds and you both sit through the whole show. But at the end, your pal has this going through his brain "That was an excellent movie! A pity it was so short though." while you were thinking "That movie stinks! All the shows he picks always sucks. That was the longest movie in my life. But let's keep that fake smile on, because the ticket was on him anyways"--

Frankly, I don't see the point of me writing up this whole thing when my stack of work is still biting my brain. But, there you have it: time being relative and all.

Oh my, look at the time. I really should be going. I have 24 hours to spend, if and only if it is not my time to go.

Last point: what if your time is less than what you think you have? What if that watch you're wearing has more time in it than you have in your life? That would make you having less hours in the next day than me, wouldn't it?

God-knows... *shrugs* maybe my own time is up. Maybe, just maybe in less than 24 I'll be out of time. Since there are no sure way of checking, why do we still waste so much of this already scarce resource? Yes, I'm talking to the guy in the mirror.

"Time's up!"

10 July 2012

Better the Bitter

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

Well, it's been a long time since I've written anything. The start of the new term has been hectic. It started out quite nice, with changes in the atmosphere, but now we're reverting to the old us. Then, there's the timetable. Which keeps being changed, but I get how hard it is to keep track of hundreds of individuals' schedule. I can't keep to my own time, imagine how hard it would be to arrange the time for hundreds of students..

Words are not coming as easy now. Maybe it's the drowsiness. Maybe it's the sickness. I don't care nor do I mind. Bitterness are sometimes sweet. I try. To not complain. I swallow. The bitter, the better.

Or is it the other way around?

Then, there's the matter of heart. I'm not quite sure but according to Sum41 it's hard to address. So try listening to the song, I love it. Maybe you will too. I don't quite know, but so long. Goodbye :)

07 July 2012

Peace Be Unto You

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَا تُهُ

01 July 2012

Treasured Moments

Sometimes, there comes a point in time where miraculous moments are made. It doesn't have to be grand, or amazing or notable - it just...is. Small talk can be miraculous. Even more so when the exchange seemed to be similar by nature of accident.

Know that whatever was exchanged will be kept safe and sound. But not all beautiful things stay beautiful especially if great care is not taken and caution is neglected.

Being only human, I too forget. So, I ask Him and you to continue reminding this frail person. And I will try to do the same.

For now, the most sensible action would be to refrain and restrain ourselves. Enemies lurk in every shadow and around every corner. Do not let our guard down even for a fraction of a second. The consequences may be fatal.

I now leave this post hanging, not unlike our last encounter...