16 October 2011

To Fill Time, Packets & Stomachs

Son, wake up..

Son. Wake up, son..

It's already nine o'clock, and you don't want to be late for today. Get up quick, take your shower and go down. There's nasi lemak downstairs.

Urgh, already? I'm not done lying in bed! But she was right - I don't want to be late for today. I mustn't be late. Kicking aside the comforter, I got up and dragged my legs to the door, pushing it outwards with my forehead and into my sister's room. Oh, still in dreamland? How lucky! Then I went into the showers, stripped off and stood there for one twentieth of an hour staring at the face mirror.

Done with the pointless action, I turned around and turned on the tap, getting the water running up and out of the hose and down and into my face.Ah... Pure bliss... that is, until a wince and an ouch.

Wince! Ouch!

When did I cut my left shoulder? The wound wasn't particularly deep but I hate it when I have a new scar to add to my trophy rack. "Whatever," I thought to myself. Heals wound. Wounds heal. Not worth my time worrying about it.

Then another thought struck me: I can't take my usual long, soothing, hot bath. Another regret to add to the list. Why did I sign up for today? A Sunday no less!! I could have risen at noon, stay home all day playing games or reading or anything for that matter! But I just had to sign up, didn't I? How much time has passed? 20 minutes? Half an hour? An hour? Or two? Reluctantly, I stepped out the shower and pat myself dry. Stepping out, I looked up at the circular wall clock. 9.30 it showed. I'm almost late. I almost smiled.

I then ran down after a quick make-up (it's not what you think) and had breakfast. I was super multitasking by this time - sending and replying to texts from both phones, rallying up my clothes, bag, medicine, keys, eating with one hand drinking with the other and talking at the same time. It was amazing I could all that at once. The human body: a miracle in itself. Next thing I knew I was out the house, in my car and driving on the parkway.

We're on campus now. A minute on time. Three of us, me having picked up the other two somewhere along the way. "Proceed to LT1, okay?" And that's where we went, having becoming instruction savvy and decent teens by now. "Why doesn't it feel as cool as it usually does?" I found myself wondering at the door to the hall. Then, remembering that I usually use the other hall, I shrugged off the question. Opened the door. Chattering of people coming to me now loud and clear. Up the short flight of stairs and I got the answer as to why is was not as cool: the theater was packed full of students and teachers. My, my, this many signed up? This many gave up their weekend? To say I was shocked was an understatement.

O-kay... That's a lot of volunteers...

I was still trying to get my head around the fact. It was too loud in here anyways, I couldn't hear myself talking. Maybe I should not be such a bummer. Just give it  a go. Maybe I'll even like it.

A few waves at friends, a briefing, two videos and a call later, we were standing at the packaging line. Vitamins, soy, vegies and rice. Vitamins! Soy! Vegies! Rice! And I got to thinking "This is quite fun actually"
The rest they say was ourstory.

"And.... That is it, people! We've reached our mark and since you guys are so efficient, we have half an hour to spare!! Give yourselves a pat on the back and get out of here!"

Aw, time already? I was having fun..

Smiling and feeling all bubbly inside, we left the campus grounds thinking of the one and a half hour we have spared to fill love into packets. I grabbed a few (nine to be exact) free cups of drinks, bought fries on the way to the car, and an ice cream to go with it.

Approaching the driver side door with a certificate of appreciation in hand, one thing kept playing in my mind: I don't want to be appreciated. I don't deserve it. I had fun, I was full, I had the means to buy food, I had a car, I had nice clothes...

The least I can do is fill time, packets and the stomach of others. I don't need a cert to do that, I'll do it for hours on end for free anytime because I now learnt how much a minute I spare means to the kids in waiting around the world :)

Happy World Food Day world~!

11 October 2011

To Cruise Along

It was all too dark but all too fun. Have you ever cruised along the highway late at night? I have, and I certainly loved it. It's just you and no one else. What I liked most was the lack of rush, pressure and tension all too common when driving under the sun.

Unlike those mornings, there was no traffic obstruction. Unlike those afternoons, there was no heat. Unlike those evenings, there was no dizziness. Pure driving pleasure I tell you!

So, here's a thought: who ever came up with the idea that what you drive matters? It's all about the when and have I ever mentioned how much I love the hour after midnight? :)

08 October 2011

To Win or to Lose

Winning doesn't always mean being first, winning means you're doing better than you've done before
-Bonnie Blair

 If winning were easy, everyone would do it. Winning is not everything but wanting to is. Till next time pals :)

07 October 2011

To Search for the Light

Step after step after step we took. I can't stop staring at my feet. Not that I could differentiate it from the feet next to mine nor from the other feet next to it. Feet, feet, feet everywhere. And step after step after step we took.

The procession was so quite - almost ghostlike. I was sure, though, that we were all human. For one, I could feel the brief encounter with the man next to me everytime his shoulder brushed mine. And I could also feel the occasional pressure of feet on my foot. Then, as soon as it came, it withdrew. And step after step after step we took.

I can see it. Heck, I've seen it for some time now, but the parade of people moves a little bit too slow. Eternity passed by and yet, the target didn't move that much closer. And step after step after step we took.

The sound. Monotonous. Flap flap, flap flap. What else is there to hear apart from feet on marble. And unless  I remember wrong, the cool marble floor was white. But now, it's neither white nor cool. Warm, in fact, from the transfer of heat from thousands of pairs of feet. Black, in fact, from the endless sea of feet. And step after step after step we took.

Yes. Closer. Yes, closer. Yes, closer!! Closer!!! Closer!!!!

And step after step after step we took. But, this time, the white starts popping up here and there. The discomfort from the lacking of personal space lifted. The ventilation got better.

Free at last! Still, step after step after step we took. Step after step after step towards the light. Step after step after step into the light. Step after step after step into whatever unknown world blinded by the light.

05 October 2011

To Let The Great World Spin

Catchy! That's the first thing that comes to mind. What exactly is this tingling sensation I keep feeling. And why is it so contagious? Too infectious in fact. Can something like this even exist? And the great thing is it's so natural and effortless. Why didn't you show up in my life earlier? Why...

I suddenly realized what a mess I've been the past 9 months. If only I could see the truth.. What stupid things I did with my life none of you need know. But do know this: I make mistakes, I'm proud of it and I don't learn that much from it, but I do improve over time.


Though it weird how sometimes  you don't need understanding to comprehend something. I know I've been touched more than once by the unseen and unknown. It's electric! 

Question the unquestionable they say. But what do you ask of one you know not of? What do you inquire from that which you do not see? Dumbstruck? You're not alone..

The magic of communicating in languages alien to oneself is somehow not so alien if and if only you look at it from this point of view: all language comes from a source: people; all human came from one lineage: Adam; therefore, it's somewhat safe to conclude all language was once one. Then it broke up into a multitude of pieces which broke into smaller fragments which divided into tongues so different which is shaped by hundreds if years of culture.

Just today, a tiny butterfly broke out of its invisible cage (and unless you haven't figured it out, these butterflies are my train of thoughts), and gently it swayed in the light breeze to land in front of me not unlike a thin book. Picking it up, I read across its wings traces of greatness. Greatness that made this great world spin.

Then it disintegrated into dust, joining the millions of other dusts of this huge world. And I was thinking silently but loudly, "What a waste of ideas... Wouldn't it be great if I could design a net capable of catching all these fragmented butterflies and resurrect it all anew?

...Who am I to cage a free being?

I can't see the sun anymore, maybe cause of the rain. It's somehow soothing though, the sight of water pouring from the plain sky on one spectrum and the shadow of an ominous cloud on the other. The best part is, I'm standing in the middle. How I found this thin line separating two distinct worlds? Don't ask. I just did. And it's quite the odd feeling to have one half your body being drenched while the other half still dry.

I guess this is what it feels for the earth to have half its face under the sun's gaze while the other half in its own shadows. I'm also guessing this is why the great world spins. Clever isn't it? Spinning to dry itself off..

Utter genius!!

04 October 2011

To Write A Long One

Taking music as my lead, I try, again, to write like I used to. What use is there lying to oneself albeit praises here and praises there. Thanks, but I know my standards have gone down. Way down.

So, people, here we are! A living, breathing specimen to remind you never ever to let yourself be caught up in the trap we so often tread into so purposefully. Don't let yourself fall into it. It's not worth it. Trust me. I've been in that spot a thousand times over and counting.

Now, back to here and now, I wish I could just go with the flow and sink myself into the tunes of Cromok. How I miss sleeping to the soothing sound of string on string, staring at the dark ceiling overhead somehow imagining stars glittered and splattered onto its otherwise dull surface.

You know, I've always dreamt of having a see-through glass ceiling for my home. Ah, what simple pleasure to bring into one's life, right? I know! I'll make that dream come true, insyaAllah.

I can just taste it: the soft bed beneath me, the thick comforter over and around me, the cool breeze of the night air swirling and twisting its way into my lungs. On top of it all, the sea of stars as my ceiling. Yup, I'd like that.

And it's funny how I'm living right now. I can feel it just as real: the hard single bed of mine, the thin blanket that couldn't keep the all-too-cold night air's bite, the not-so-soothing sound of two stand fans and the twist and turn of my body all through the night. What I'd give for a trade...

Then comes the morning sun bringing with it a jolt of surprise, rush, and havoc. Seeing it from a bird's eye perspective, it sure is hilarious as shit. But I can tell you, it's not funny at all when you go through it everyday just to get in the door on time. And when I finally take my seat, relief...

And still, all throughout, the same thousand or so songs on my list play on shuffle. Somehow, every tune relates to me and myself one way or another. Hey! What a discovery! Maybe that's why all these songs end up in my MP3 player. I guess after all that I've been through, one thing's right, and one thing I found to be proven wrong.

The right: Similars attract.
The wrong: Similars attract.

Let's leave it there shall we? I love it when people read and think "What is this guy trying to say?"

Well, shove this down your brain will you: "Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there. Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean it's untrue"

03 October 2011

To Find A Cure

I don't know how many times I've said this, but I'm on the road to recovery!! Things are finally looking up and yes, it's ecstatic!!

Having said that, plus the ever-present fact that men are greedy, and greed is never satisfied, I'm going en-route looking for another remedy. Hell yeah! I'm greedy! I'm man after all!!

But don't you dare judge me ever so quickly..

You did not feel it. You did not face it. So shut up! And let me have my say. Just this once. Just once...

02 October 2011

To Appreciate All Joints of Walk

I see it everyday and everywhere I go. A smile flashed across my face. Ouch! That hurt. And all these people don't even know what it means to move so fluidly. What a waste...

Thank God for this pain.