26 April 2011

Of nots and nothings

Idea. It has completely and undoubtedly left me. Sad to say but my cerebral activity is on an all time low, probably need to enter a bookstore and sit there for a whole day to get it a-kicking and a-starting again. However, time is of the essence, I'm tired and I'm bored as heaven.

More nots and nothings coming my way i guess. Hmmm, what to do? Not and nothing is what to do. Not and nothing is what I'll do.

Peace out! Knock-out! =D

22 April 2011

delete. not

I'm sure most of you guys have gone through this scenario at least once in your life:

You opened the page to your email/facebook/skype/whatever. You typed your username or email address. You started typing in your password. Halfway through it, you realized you may just have typed wrongly. You press backspace and delete the whole line. Then you typed in your password again. 

Hahahaha, this is just a random post I thought of when I retyped my facebook password just now. =)
It sort of made me wonder "If only you could do the same with life"

It would make everything so much more simpler. Ooops!! I did a mistake, let's delete that and go back a few steps. Then I'll do it again and yes! I got through!! Man, that would've made life a whole lot easier..

Mistake. Delete! Wrong turn. Go back! Oooops, sorry. Retrace my steps! I forgot. No problem!

I wish.... 

Iron (III) oxide my brain

Man, another long week. I'm tired and squeezed shitless. Never mind, point is who the heaven cares if I'm all pooped out, right? Because right now, I'm at yet another point in time when you have to make a choice. I hate it.

God-willing I'll make the correct turn and I won't regret the choice I will make. =)

Moving on to more pressing matters (as if making the choice this big isn't pressing enough..), my brain has obviously gone bad. Dude, I knew i shouldn't have left my books God-knows-where and wasted my time doing God-knows-what. Trouble is, it took me this looong to realize.

Well, I'm sure most of you don't have a clue to what I'm saying. To make it simple, I had an interview the other day and I quickly realized 2 things.

1. I was having difficulty speaking with people of all ages.
2. My brain is in lockdown-mode

Well, what do you expect Afiz? You have been stuck in a hole for 5 months -___-

Most that know me personally would think I'm down in the dumps this very moment. If you thought so, then you don't know me enough. Lucky for me, I have myself and a few close individuals for support. My past blog posts were helpful too, so thaaaank you Blogger!!

I think I'll end it here cause seriously, I'm at a loss of words -.-
SEE!!?? Told ya I was in lockdown-mode. I can't even write a post properly :(

*I would probably LMFAO reading this post in the near future, so excuse my lame style of writing for now, please and thank you ;)

16 April 2011

Of Young and Old

Hmmm...who's fault is it? When the young turn against their old? Been there, done that. Looking at it from my eyes, I see myself on the right side. But then again, I am a teen. Teens think they're right, they think they're right, we think we're right.

The old ones think they're right, they think they're right, we think we're right.

But then again, looking at it through brand new lenses, I saw no right nor wrong. Just is. The problem with us lies in ourselves. We were born human, we are human, and we will be human for the rest of our short lives. Egos aside, I trust we'll make progress. To respect the old has always been a teaching but respect must be earned, it can't ever be forced. To love the young has always been a teaching but love must be earned, it can't ever be forced.

Too late it is too change, but a little bit too early it is. Time will reveal all, for now I lay in the dark - an egg of a predator lying in wait, growing, waiting for the day I grow to eat the world and consume it. Whole.

11 April 2011

World, Here I Come!!

Sorry to say this but I won't be posting for quite sometime after this due to the demands of pursuing a better future (actually, I'm just going for interviews and all for scholarships and unis =P ).

Well, that's all there is to say. Plus a special apology is at hand for a certain someone for not being there yesterday. I guess life caught up to me and I found myself in the land of dreams at 8 p.m. Woke up at 4 a.m. with a grin of satisfaction but a tint of guilt and pain (due to the fact that I slept on my living room couch the whole night).

Sorry, and I promise I'll make it up to you after all this is done =D

I have another busy week ahead. I hope I live through it, pray hard. And I really really rreeeeaaaallllyyyy hope I pass the interviews. I want to do medicine sooooo bbaaadddlyyyy. Don't believe me? Look up my wishlist down there. If any of you are kind enough, and charitable enough, please do not hesitate to send me those items and I promise to be your best friend. Please and thank you. =D

Well, gotta go. World, HERE I COME!! 

p/s: In case you haven't noticed, this is my first post that tells of my life in a non-confusing kind of way. Don't get your hopes up though, I'll be back in confusion-mode pretty soon. It's just that I have no time to confuse you all today. So, consider yourselves lucky =)

09 April 2011

Free As Birds, Sharp As Eagles

Sunlight. It's morning. Looks like I've overslept. Again...The world was a blur of colours and images that make no sense. I reach for my glasses. Putting it on, only then the world came into focus. Ten to ten. Still early but quite late. Lifting my giant of a body up from bed, a sharp pain cut across my back just above my left kidney. The searing pain pushed me back. After minutes of wincing, I finally got over the pain.

It's still quiet. A little bit too quiet for me. Turning on my music, the voice of the Goo Goo Dolls hit me. Iris. One of my favourite songs ever. Immediately my lips formed the words of the song, and singing together with John, I became truly awaken.

Hmmm...the lyrics made me remember last night and the events that came with it. I opened a new window to someone special. That made me happy and excited beyond imagination but the final moments were tarnished with a minor setback that could snowball into something huge. I do not want the friendship to end. Least of all because of me...

It made me play Iris once more. This time turning to the lyrics for answers instead of joy. And lucky me, I found it. More than that, it opened my eyes. Listen to it and you'll know what I mean.

Please realize that you're not being caged in. You are free to do as you please. But look at freedom like that possessed by birds. The flying creatures are free to roam anywhere their hearts desire. They have the means to do it - their wings. However, the dare not fly too high for fear of falling. The higher you are, the harder you'll fall is what they say.

Look at it this way. Before this, you and I, we were birds in a cage. Right now the cage is opened and it is up to us to decide whether or not to fly out or stay in. If you've chosen to free yourself then you may. Fly, fly and fly you will but no matter how hard you try, there's a border - an imaginary one - that you'll not pass. The sky. You can take to the sky, but trust me you can't ever take the sky.

So please people, choose your steeds carefully. Whatever bird you choose to be, you're still a little bit too human to fly. But you can adept yourselves to the birds of your choice.

For me, I've chosen the eagle. The eagle is as free as can be. It is beautiful, powerful. Most importantly, no matter how high this bird of prey flies, it's eyesight remain sharp as ever on the ground from where it came from and to where it will one day fall and rot.

Fly. But fly sharp!

08 April 2011

Sounds they help you

Way Back Into Love Truly Madly Deeply If I Let You Go Sweet Child O' Mine I Live My Life For You Come On Get Higher Your Song No One Accidentally In Love To The Sky Lucky Terbang Must Have Done Something Right Higher Baby It's You Hanya Tuhan Yang Tahu Live Like We're Dying Everything I Do I Run To You Rainbow Veins Fearless Us Against The World Dare You To Move If I Die Young Heaven Sent That Thing You Do Awake Blackbird You Make It Real Falling For You Today Was A Fairytale A Place In This World I'm Only Me When I'm With You Ruang Rindu Home For The Rest Of My Life Sebelum Cahaya Beautiful World Everything My Hands Whatever Who I Am Always Be My Baby You And I Both The Saltwater Room Please Don't Go Kasih Kekasih 1973 I Can Show You The World That's The Way It Is If That's Okay With You Say The Call I'm Yours She Is The Sunlight All In What Dreams Are Made Of Thunder Cinta Be With You Gotta Be Somebody Vanilla Twilight  When You Look Me In The Eyes Need You Now Never Alone Follow Me Wherever You Will Go

A little bit more than Half My Heart


I love the way you start things. A simple yet meaningful letter.

Now, I'm all alone in my sanctum, the waves of music passing over and above me. For the first time in my young life, the waves sped past me and left me hanging. I was a literal stone with the weight of a mountain - no song able to lift me, grab me and save me like all those other times.

The TV watches me, the laptop types me. I'm numb, struck and stuck somewhere between grief and longing, sorrow and happiness. Unable to move, my hands fly across the keyboard - it being the only part left of me that is fortunate enough to not be affected by the silence of loneliness. And in this wee hours of freedom I have left, I pour unto these virtual pages a little bit more than the Half of My Heart that You opened.

The story begins and ends here. A single point in time and space where two souls met. One of apparent happiness, the other an image of a loner. Different as they may sound, look at them with your eyes, you'll see they are indeed different - of height, of complexion, of everything but look at them with your inner eye and a mirror of two images you shall feast on.

Quiet though the two were, fate spoke for them and intertwined their lives like a pair of pendulums swinging in the same direction at different levels, the strings twisted and turned, twisting and turning ever faster till impossibly the were the closest souls in the shortest period of time.

Then time slowed. The walls from both grew fainter, the shields came down and the two were inseparable friends. Only space divided them.

Even then, nothing seemed to be able to hold back the two. For all the distances between them, it did nothing to stop the one from seeing the other for the second time. However to them, it was almost as if they have known each other for life, even lives - old acquaintances who simply forgot minor details regarding the other, who have finally met after years of separation.

But that day, fate was being a naughty player, giving chances and taking chances. The day - though both considered the best in years - focused in & out like static on TV. Like static on radio. Like static, it shocked the one & most probably the other into sparking a new feeling.

Due to many little details, both kept quiet till one night that brought one to shivers that lasted through to daybreak while the other torn between a heavy option of two choices. After more time has passed, the truth is finally poking into the story, a truth played as a puppet by the puppetmaster. But whatever, I'll do this once more. Not anymore.

So listen to me, and listen to me good. 
For I think You should, for it is food.
Provisions I've given, provisions You've taken.
Use it sparingly, but don't be greedy.
Keys too I've given, what's left for You is to find.
Find that shining light, with your own might.
Might that You've taken for granted, that which You thought is not wanted.
Listen and do please listen.
Sing to me You will, sing to me You won't
You think I'm not the one, You think I'll find someone.
I fear it is not so, I think You're not that low.
But do, oh do know, that if You must go
I won't leave You, I'm only hiding a mo' or two
But fear not my mate, for You know where to meet.
If time cuts me by, then all I'll say is bye
Unlock the truth, unlock my booth,
Then You'll know what's been coming from between my tooth~

Fear not will you, because I'll hold onto my words, I'll never leave You. I'll hold onto Your hands if I can but You know what I'll want. Thank You for the friendship, thanks my Soulmate. If I ever come past by Your mind, regard me as nothing but the winds, quietly passing you by. Afterall, I am still a child =)

07 April 2011

My angel

Sleep my friend,
Sleep my angel,
Sleep till the end,
May you wake all well.

Dream my friend,
Dream my angel,
Dream you'll find,
At the bottom of hell.

Rest my friend,
Rest my angel,
Lest you send,
Me to hell.

06 April 2011

New Born

Sadness. It consumes all. It engulfs us all like a black and dark blanket that captures and traps us all in a never-ending web of pure void. There was once happiness in the world but it exists as light. Sadly, it too was lost in the blackhole. Lost for years and years, the light could not escape. It fought and squirmed its way to freedom, it fought its way through darkness. Strong and brave as it was, it grew tired of the continuous wars and battles and let darkness consume it. Made to bow to the student the teacher was a captive with no chance of escape - a pure being flanked from all sides by impurities.

Dark. Black. Silence. Cold. Hard. Left. Right. Behind. Everywhere. Everytime. Every second.
Then out of pure luck, half a circle of glowing hand pulled it out. Free at last. Free at first.

To be continued-

05 April 2011


It takes a crane to build a crane,
It takes two floors to make a story,
It takes an egg to make a hen,
It takes a hen to make an egg.

It takes a thought to make a word,
It takes some words to make an action,
It takes some work to make it work,
It takes some good to make it hurt,
It takes some bad for satisfaction.

It takes a night to make it dawn,
It takes a day to make you yawn,
It takes some old to make you young,
It takes some cold to know the sun,
It takes the one to have the other.

It takes no time to fall in love,
but it takes you years to know what love is,
It takes some fears to make you trust,
It takes those tears to make you rust,
It takes the dust to have it polished.

It takes some silence to make sound,
It takes some lost before you're found,
It takes a road to go nowhere,
It takes a toll to make you care,
It takes a hole to make a mountain.

Life is wonderful,
Life goes full circle,
Life is meaningful~

01 April 2011

The Deed Makes the Man (or Woman)

Assalamualaikum to all. I would like y'all to know that this post is a special entry for all the souls that are lost.

Well, so what's the poster have to do with lost souls? To tell you the truth, this movie has a lot to do with lost souls. I watched this movie hmmmm....I forgot when. But what I wouldn't forget is the underlying lesson Johnny Depp taught me (yes, he was the voice of Rango).

The plot if this movie was quite simple. There was Rango, a lizard/chameleon/lizard that has lived all his life in a fish tank (whatever you call it, I call it F-I-S-H-T-A-N-K) as a pet suddenly being thrown into life at a desert, the Mojave if I'm not mistaken. He later meets an armadillo that was hit by a car, lost half his body but still lived, which is weird... -___- Well, weird facts aside, the armadillo was in search of the great Spirit of the West (which is still weird..)

As you may or may have not noticed : I am not the best of storytellers so I'll leave the story at that. Anyways, where were we? Oh yeah...lesson learned. The armadillo said something like "making it to the other side of the road" - which he was doing when he was crushed under a car. Lived. Walked away. Weird. = ='

Anyhow, this is exactly what most of us are facing. We wake up each day only to find more obstacles in life and just like the armadillo, we would be hit by a car before we even get to the other side but just like the armadillo, we need to get up and get moving (even if half our body is gone) because according to the Spirit of the West "no man can walk out of his own story".

Which is true. It's your life man, work it out. You have a problem? Well, I've got mine. You think your life is hard? Well, wait till you get Lady Gaga's life. She lives through hell. Point is, we've all got problems to face, hurdles to leap from, obstacles to overcome. And the Spirit is right, you can't walk away from your problems no matter how hard you try. Psstt...You can try hanging yourself. But I heard death was A LOT harder. I would know. I have died before. Twice.

In short, the movie reminded me what it means to not give up. Keep in mind that you always have someone to back you up. =D Trust in your heart, trust in your pals. "So you want something to believe in? [points at the Sheriff sign] Believe in that there sign. For as long as it hangs there we've got hope" Then the sign was shot and hung loosely on one chain but hey, it's still hanging right? xD

Rango: "We reptiles gotta stick together"
someone: "I'm amphibian"
Rango: "No shame in that"

And there really ain't no shame in sticking together even if we're from different background, skin tones or classification! We all need a shoulder to cry, sneeze, wipe our nose and bleed on. I know life is hard. "Is this Heaven?" "If it were, wouldn't we be eating strawberry Pop-Tarts with Kim Novak?"

Hey, life is no crunchy creamy candy cookie cupcake, right? But it's all in your mind. "We can control it! Like a monkey's bladder!"

Just don't give up, okay? Or "I'm going to slice your face off and use it to wipe my unmentionables" 
You keep going, and I tip my hat to you....one legend to the other. 

"Doesn't matter what they call you...It's the deeds that make the man." 

For now... "We ride!!"